Is it just me, or has the butt injection become the new boob job? How is it that the minority became the majority, and when we question its authenticity, we’re given the evil side eye? The Buffie the Body’s, Angel Lola Luv’s and Nicki Minaj’s of the world are taking over and making it hard for the rest of us that respect our natural booty.

 I remember being a young girl and getting teased for having a larger than normal backside. It wasn’t until high school, that my curvaceous figure became more of a benefit and less of an embarrassment. So where did America’s extreme fascination with the phat ass come from??? Maybe back when Wrekx-N-Effect made “Rump Shaker.” But when I think about the video, yea there were rumps and they were shaking, but the size of those rumps in no way can compare to today’s video vixens. So when did size become a major factor? Who knows… but I do know that the days of having an Aaliyah or Cassie body are over. Every female worthy of sexual attention makes sure her rump is as round as a basketball.

 Now don’t take this as HATE of any sort, because it is far from it. I am totally satisfied with the amount of junk in my trunk. I was blessed. I am only attempting to obtain a clearer understanding of the ass obsession. Chicks are even beginning to capitalize off of their assets. Tahiry for example. Known as Joe Buddens ex is best known for her ass on the cover of King Magazine.  Buffie the Body’s reputation was built on her ass alone. Remember the movie “ATL?” Her character was Big Booty Judy and if I recall her ass got more camera time than her face. Kim Kardashian… What is it that she does exactly? No one knows, but we all know about those cakes she carries on her back.

 The video vixens of the entertainment industry have instilled such superficial values in our society that the white girls are lining up to get their ass’s injected. The other day I was at the mall and passed a group of about 5 white girls that looked to be about in their early twenties. And for all 5 of them to have ass’s bigger than mine was ridiculous. It wasn’t even proportioned to their small frames. The real message I want to convey is, that if your going to inject your butt with some type of solution, make it realistic and not questionable. With that being said, let’s take a look at some of the most infamous and alleged “REAL” ass’s in entertainment. Enjoy!!!

Buffie the body

Ki Toy from Outkast “I like the way you move” video

Nicki Minaj

Tahiry

Angel Lola Luv

Coco T

I Just Wanna Know… Is She Cute? 

By Just J of WillEyeListen.com

What’s the first thing a girl does when:
A) her guy cheats
B) her ex moves on to the next
C) her new guy reveals who his ex is…
…she checks to see if she’s cute or not!! And nothing makes a girl feel more confident, cuter or superior to the rest, than to see that the “other” chic doesn’t measure up to her idea of beauty.

As if personality can be measured in a photo, we insist our guy could have done so much better than a girl we think is ugly. Naïve yes, but most, if not, all women do it. And truth be told, guys do too.

I once had a guy, who saw a guy I was dating (thanks to facebook), tell me that I could do better. He even had the nerve to believe HE was the better. After I had to kill him with, “you could never measure up to the man he was five years ago, let alone the man he is today,” he just looked stupid. Like who do you think you are to think you are better than the next cuz you got a prettier face? I love to quote geniuses and a profound quote comes from the song Shoop (wink), “… If looks could kill you would be an oozie..” But honey, they don’t kill, so you’re just regular… old you.

I love to sit at my grandmom’s house and listen to old stories about her youth; especially the ones where she insists that the “other” chic wasn’t ugly, but oooogly. To see a 70+ year old woman grimace at the thought of how unattractive the chic of one of her beaus was, is pure comedy. “I dunno how he could date her when I couldn’t even stand looking at her.” Lol. This just reassures me that this ancient tradition will forever live on: if she’s ugly, you’ll sleep better at night. Which translates into present time as: there’s no better boost than to search thru facebook, find “her” photo and laugh.

So even though you can’t judge the book by the cover… we’ll all continue to judge the book by the cover… ain’t like you ever plan on reading it anyway *shrugs*

SB: I call a spade a spade and give credit where credit is due… So it doesn’t matter if you think she’s attractive or not… he does…EYEListen

Dear Friends:

I LOVE YOU.
Some people wait until the end of letters/emails to say it, I believe it should also be said first.

Road at The Haitian Academy where I was walking up during the earthquake.

Each in your own unique way… I love you. Know that.

As most of my friends may know,  I left for Haiti on January 6th and returned to Newark, NJ this past Tuesday, January 19th.
For those of you that came to the Newark fundraiser earlier this month or supported UIP online…. THANK YOU.   It was a great success.

I had arranged to facilitate two 1 week UIP “G.R.A.C.E.” programs (Girls Reform through Artistic Creative Empowerment) at The Haitian Academy in Titanyen (about 20 km, or 12 miles, north of Port-au-Prince).

The Haitian Academy is a private K-12 school, a Boarding School, and a University (Medical School).  There is even a Medical Clinic on site.  The “campus” also raises chickens, roosters, goats, & cows- has a bread bakery and several fruit trees… very self-sufficient.

Dr. Marie Pologne Rene (aka Madame Rene) is the founder and director of the facility.  She was born in Haiti, grew up in Brooklyn, studied in Switzerland with Piaget, and then returned to Haiti in efforts to reform her country.  She is an amazing human being and I am so inspired by her work and relentless dedication to serving the Haitian people through education, health, and agriculture.

Kudos Madame Rene. Kudos.

The first few days I met with the staff, finalized plans for my “empowerment” programs, helped the school with some classroom prep work, assisted in clearing out land for chicken huts (just like in the movie “Chicken Run”), and did some counseling/mentoring with the latest (troubled) boarding school student.

I was falling in Love with Haiti (as I do anywhere I go).

On Monday, January 11th – I talked to my mom on the phone.
She was giving me the update on my dad’s condition, my dad had a stroke on Dec 23rd. He is recovering at the hospital in Weiner Neustadt, Austria- but still needs our prayers.  He is a true Austrian Saint (I say that very objectively) and has been my hero my entire life. Even in the face of adversity, my dad selflessly tries to make people smile, sees the higher purpose, and loves even those who are unjustifiably mean.]
My mom was then telling me that she had a dream… she stressed to me to stay on campus at The Haitian Academy… telling me not to go anywhere (she knows I like to go for runs, gallivant around new areas, and explore my surroundings in foreign countries).  My mom has some pretty intense intuition….

At 4pm on Tuesday, January 12th, I had just finished working with my 1st group of girls at the Academy.  I had a 2nd session planned for 4:30pm with another group of girls from a local church.  The previous day, the 2nd group did not show up (I had waited for them until 5pm)… so I confirmed earlier that they would be there today (Tuesday).
I was waiting inside the classroom reviewing my translation notes (in French), going over the different activities, and doing some reading.
I had every intention to wait at least until 5pm for the group (since I had no where else to be and had everything I needed with me to keep me busy).
At about 4:51 pm I had a very spontaneous urge to just get up and leave (convinced that the group was going to be a “no show” again).
Looking back, that moment kind of “freaks my freak” if you know what I mean…

About 90 seconds later, at 4:53 pm, while walking alone up the small dirt road, a 7.2 magnitude earthquake broke out. I hit the ground in a “Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon” Ninja stance on watch for the earth to crack open…
The Richter Scale is a base-10 logarithmic scale. So a 7.2 earthquake is 10 times more powerful than a 6.2 earthquake (10 TIMES!)… a 7.2 has an impact of 95 megatons of TNT for Seismic Energy Yield (ummm, what ever that means Wikipedia).

I really could not tell you how long the earthquake lasted. It was a blur.
Perhaps 12 seconds?
It sounds short, but count “12 Mississippi’s”  and image the earth going bonkers under you… let me tell ya, it was long enough.

My next thought was “Oh crap, we’re on an island 200 meters from the water… Tsunami?!”
Thankfully Haiti is a very mountainous country and higher elevation would not have been hard to reach from where I was.
In any regard… there was no Tsunami.

Everyone on the “campus” was OK.
Everyone was able to run outside quickly enough (or they were already outside) and all the day students had gone home.
We had a few wounds and stitches, but no life threatening injuries.
All construction at The Haitian Academy was one level – and I believe that helped salvage the structure. There were many fallen walls, broken windows, cracked cement, etc…. but the foundations were intact.

The road that I was walking up was probably the safest place to be in that moment in all of Haiti.

Outdoors, away from buildings, no large trees, and a good visual point to survey potential dangers. Seriously, the SAFEST.

6 story Flour Factory (main source for bread for all of Haiti) across the street from the The Haitian Academy - completely collapsed with workers inside.

So, with a humble heart, as my mom would say: “THANKS God.” (not “Thank God”, but “Thanks God”… it makes much more sense. Talk directly to the creator in the present… not figuratively in the past.)

At that time, I did not realize the devastation, suffering, and chaos that would amount from those 12 seconds.

There was no “staying indoors” after that point.

The first night we were all gathered together outside.
Hungry. Worried. And in the dark.

After a few hours I decided that although we were being confronted with a sizable dilemma, there was no need in making it worse by doing NOTHING.
I asked if people were hungry (at the Academy we have white bread for breakfast and then dinner at night… so no one had eaten anything of substance all day)… the consensus was YES.
I decided to venture into the kitchen to salvage any food that could be found…. don’t worry, it was safe (enough) – I could easily run outside in Ninja time if anything were to happen.
I found 2 pots of rice & beans that had been thrown off the stove during the quake… right side UP on the floor! (yay! “Thanks God!”)
I gathered loads of grapefruit and mangoes that were scattered on the floor… and grabbed as many unbroken plates and silverware as possible…. all this in 2 trips.

I could already feel the morale of the people rising…. see, food makes everything better.
And you know what makes things even better than BETTER….”The Princess Bride” (movie).
After “dinner” I ran back inside and grabbed my lap-top and DVDs…. and we had MOVIE NIGHT under the stars.
Everyone loved “The Princess Bride” – OBVIOUSLY! Haitians have great movie taste.
It was classic.

The next morning Madame Rene asked me to come with her across the way to the Flour Mill Factory.
I didn’t question her why we were going… she wanted me to come… so I went.
It turns out that the 6 story Flour Factory had completely collapsed – with workers inside.
We went there to read the Bible, sing a song, and say a prayer for them.
It was 15 hours after the earthquake and NO ONE was around to even attempt a rescue.  There is NO heavy machinery, no disaster rescue team, no medical personnel, nothing.
I felt so helpless as I starred in disbelief listening to quiet groans of help under the massive rubble.
All we could do was pray for them.
So we did.

The rest of the morning and afternoon was spent fixing up the Medical Center at The Haitian Academy… there was considerable damage, but much of it just required moving out fallen bricks and re-situating things back in order. We knew many victims could benefit from the facility and we had to bring it up to par before we would be able to treat patients.

Across the street there was also a Burn Clinic run by missionaries from the US.
The one room facility quickly turned into a mini-ER…

Building in Port-au-Prince... many many buildings were completed crushed like this one (and it was very dangerous to try to "dig" out anyone without heavy machinery due to the instability of the buildings and the numerous aftershocks that were on going - causing further damage).

Car accidents, explosions, collapsed building injuries… all were piling in looking for help.
The 2 nurses that were in charge were only equipped to treat burns and minor injuries.
With the large influx of patients – the clinic was maxed, and supplies were depleting quickly.
I helped remove large amounts of garbage, was on disinfect duty, and was the personal assistant for the nurses – running to get them whatever supplies they needed as they treated patients.

The following day Madam Rene and I made our way downtown to Port-au-Prince (PAP).
We first went to the airport to pick up medical supplies for the center that were supposed to have arrived.
Madame Rene has all her official paper work stating her authority and need to collect supplies, and was advised to report to the airport and it would be allocated accordingly.
Only problem was that there were NO SUPPLIES at the airport.
Only media and people wearing fancy suits.

We were approaching the 48 hour mark. And nothing. Nothing nothing.
Lots of cameras, but no doctors or meds.
100s of charter flights were coming in, but no supplies?? Doctors??
Americans were scrambling to get a flight out (via charter planes) and UN workers were trying to prioritize evacuation. That in itself was chaos (everyone was outside since the airport terminal was damaged and not stable to use).

I have no problems with media personnel. I believe that their purpose can bring awareness of the need to the general public… but how is it that they arrive within 12 hours? And not what is really needed?
I asked around trying to understand the protocol for International Disaster Relief.
Some said that they are mandated to wait a full 48 hours for the safety reasons, etc…
WELL, this is my theory: YOU are in the EMERGENCY RELIEF business. You don’t wait until the emergency is over to act. When firefighters get a call about a massive fire, they do NOT wait 48 hours to assist those in need. They drop everything, bust on the sirens, and run into the flames saving people (that’s what I’m talking about!!!).
If you want to be in the “waiting, protocol, safety” business, go sell flowers or something. But don’t be associated with emergency situations. Do you feel me?
I realize that there is much that I don’t know and don’t understand. I am sure that International Relief organizations (Red Cross, United Nations, etc.) work very hard and have the highest of intentions. I’m not trying to judge or complain about anything… I just want to understand how things operate and hopefully find solutions for things that can be improved.
Bureaucracy needs to take a back burner in these situations so that efforts can be maximized.

My "evacuation" ride out of PAP to Miami... in a Military Cargo Plane.

It’s about SAVING lives. Not selling stories.

After a failed airport ordeal, we went to one of the only standing hospitals in PAP, “Hopital de la Paix” (Hospital of Peace).
I am completely speechless for what I saw.
Patients lying on the floor in any corner they could find…. no bed, no mattress – holding their own IVs (if they were lucky).
Patients without family or friends to help them were in likely to pass from dehydration, etc. The hospital does not care for patients nutritional or comfort needs – especially in a time of a national emergency. So you MUST have someone to help you hold your IV, bring you water, food, and advocate for your help (or the few doctors/nurses will SURELY pass by you).
Mounds of toxic waste (bloody bandages, syringes, needles, sheets, trash, etc.) were piled and scattered all over the floor throughout the hospital with people lying down right next to it.  Wounds were wrapped in newspaper, fractures were set with cardboard.
Standard medical supplies were low or non-existent… and qualified personnel to address injuries were no where to be seen.
Deceased bodies lay on the floor covered in a sheet, with no one tending to it… and people walking by as if it is nothing.
Patients were dying because there was no basic care, let alone advanced secondary or tertiary care. Simple injuries turned into debilitating situations… and ultimately death.
The risk for disease and life threatening infections was multiplying by the minute.
It felt as if the ratio for doctors/nurses to patients was 1/100. It could have been 1/1000 for all I know.

The desperate need for help at this hospital was immeasurable.
I went back the next day to volunteer as the ultimate scrub worker.
[I was wearing very protective clothing/gloves, so no worries]
I brought my own X-Large garbage bags and started cleaning up all the toxic waste….
People started coming up to me asking me to treat their injured friend/relative (thinking I was a doctor) – at first I apologized saying that I was not a doctor… after the 3rd person pleading for help, I realized that I was not “in Kansas” anymore and no one was going to sue me for providing medical help.
After all, I was at least “First Aid/CPR & Emergency Care” certified… and that gave me higher credentials than about 98% of
the hospital.
So hey, the people want medical help???  Give the people what they want! Fake it ’til you make it!
So Dr. Dee I became…
First, I just tended to disinfecting wounds, applying bandages to lacerations, bringing patients pain killers, water, and just telling people “Ca va aller” (it’ll be ok)…

My “Twilight Zone” experience was when I was helping a doctor with a young man who had at dislocated clavicle, hip, and a fractured tibia. I had to help stabilize the patient as the doctor (with out x-ray) realigned the fracture…. then as he held the fracture in place, I PUT ON THE CAST.
Luckily, I have had the privilege, throughout my crazy life, of breaking 9 bones on 7 occasions. And have been casted up about 10 times (often you get re-casted during the healing course of your fracture).
Although I have no training in orthopedics… I felt very confident that I could do it. After all, it’s like a paper-mache project.
The cotton goes on first, then you dip the “cast” bandage in water and wrap away.
So there I was, treating a severely injured patient, amidst chaos, in a hospital in Haiti. TWILIGHT ZONE.

I’m adding that to my resume.

On the 4th night, the smell of deceased bodies started to become a major issue both in PAP and in the outskirts.
People started driving loads of bodies out of PAP and dumping them along the road… right near The Haitian Academy.
We had to write signs that read: “Atansyon – Pa Jete Kadav La” – which is creole for “Attention – Don’t dump bodies here”
Surreal.

Over the days, reporters would interview me (since I spoke English) on occasion – and one question I found bizarre.
The reporter asked me, “Do the Haitian people know what’s going on?”
Know what’s going on!!?!?!?! …

They are here LIVING through what’s going on! How much more real do you want to get?

By the 5th day I started to feel more of an international presence (Cuban, Bolivia, Venezuela, Canada, France, USAid, CARE, Red Cross, US military)… however, the mystery of the actual medical supplies & aid was still unsolved.

By day 6 my host family, biological family, my friends who are like my family – were all urging me to go back. I agreed that it was a good time. More help was finally arriving and although I felt guilty for being able to leave, I knew I could continue to work for Haiti from the US.
My “ride home” was a Military Cargo Plane. Packed with 81 other Haitian-Americans. We didn’t know our destination until we actually boarded the aircraft.
MIAMI.
I strategically sat towards the back of the plane against the wall (we were all sitting on the floor refuge style)… a mother and her 2 kids were next to me… and as the plane started packing in, space was becoming very limited.
I offered to have her 7 year old son sit on the floor between my legs to give another person wall space to lean on…
Once we took off, all was fine for the first 5 minutes…
THEN, the floors and wall got SO HOT. Boiling blistering hot.
So now I had to have the 7 year old sit on my lap (as he sleep in oblivion) and was going through Ninja survival training.
Every 2 minutes I had to shift my biscuit off the floor (holding myself up with 1 hand, as I held the kid in the other) in fear of 3rd degree burns. I would have loved to stand up or move spots like many of the passengers, but I was restrained by a 7 year old.  It was one of the longest 3 hours ever.
“THANKS God” that we were only going to Miami and not some other Military base in Guam.

My 6 days post-earthquake in Haiti (12 days total) was a deeply humbling experience.
Between helping at The Haitian Academy, the Burn Clinic, and Hopital de la Paix -  Being a witness to the suffering and catastrophe that unfolded before me… and realizing the dire need of international support to rebuild a nation – I came to value the notion that we can only save the world if we can save each other.

When it comes to International Diaster Relief – there are so many standpoints that can be taken, viewpoints to understand, and opinions to be respected.
Why should OTHER countries use their resources and finances to help? Why should we risk our lives to help yours?
Is Haiti’s disaster only Haiti’s problem? Or is it everyone’s concern?

The way I see it… It’s not about politics or governments, countries or borders, races or nationalities, poverty or wealth… it’s about HUMAN LIFE. And understanding the miracle of saving each other.

The way we live our life depends on the way we view our life.
Is it just about yourself? Your family? Your city? Your country?
Or can we transcend our existence to the ideal of ONE PLANET EARTH?

When I working at the hospital, someone was wearing a t-shirt that read, “The one who has hope lives differently.”
It was an emotional moment.

And with that, I plead to you to live with HOPE.

My our actions answer our prayers.

pq
Dee

P.S. For those of you that wonder (and I encourage you to wonder), “pq” is my invented replacement for “xoxo” (hugs/kisses). “pq” represents 2 people face-to-face, heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul… the way God intended.

Diesa Seidel
Founder, United Initiatives for Peace
www.unitedinitiatives.org

United Initiatives for Peace
P.O. Box 10183
NewArk, New Jersey 07101
United States of America
Planet Earth

Nope, I’m not talking about arson either. Whether the kitchen, the bedroom, the car or depending on how far ya imagination can travel, any random space room enough for a 2 minute quickie… if it resulted in someone burning you, how do you handle it??  I heard on some commercial that 50% of those engaging in sex before 25 (15 to 24 according to them) will contract an STD. And I’m proud to say I’m 25 and on the smiley side end of that statistic. But what about that miserable 50 percent? How exactly do they handle this situation??

One of them did it: I don’t want to call you a hoe, but for lack of better terms, you’re a hoe if you don’t know who gave you the itching, burning, crab-ing, outbreaking, curable or not so curable disease during sexual intercourse. You might want to bring your body count to a complete halt until you can space em out enough to figure out which of those nasty broads or dirtbag rascals gave you an STD. (Maybe I’m naïve but I still can’t figure out how these chics bring 2 or 3 guys on Maury and NONE of them are the father… Each guy should look at each other and race to the clinic).
So how do you handle it: well whether you blame the last one or the last 10, you might want to do yourself a favor and strap up or join a convent cause you LOSE at this “sport”!!

My boo gonna kill me: so you cheated… Only once and it really was the heat of the moment. But this crime came with its own punishment. Now don’t go running in the side piece’s crib at 4am waving a pistol. Swing my Karmas house instead and shout, “OK you caught that.”
So how do you handle it: like a grown up and call the culprit up and warn them to get themselves checked out. Now if you had sex with ya own boo before realizing you were infected, you might want to sit down and fess up. I mean c’mon, you played in the mud, and you got dirty…

I haven’t sexed anybody else: you’ve been on the straight and narrow. And keep it funky, ya boo put it on you sooo good, you have no reason to stray. But something ain’t right if you believe you’re the one and only to your one and only but you got this odor coming from ya pee that has killed plants outside your bathroom window.
So how do you handle it: Whether you go stampeding into the room they’re in or send them a message on fb, you have got to confront them!! Shit, you might even want to break up after this careless mess. Its one thing if ya boo cheats, but when he/she bringing home infidelities packaged in a box labeled STD, the relationship just stamped itself VOID!!

STDs really really are preventable. And I’d rather you hate using a condom but then chalk it up and use one… than to hate burning and end up sitting in a cold @$$ doctors room confessing to the doc like you’re telling him something new… “Doc, that dirty broad burned me…” Maybe so, but you lit the match and pointed at ya di… EYEListen.

SB: STDs have been around since the earliest times (arguable by scholars and medical historians but dammit STDs have been around a hell of a long time).  Yet they are still prevalent and are increasing in incidents over certain populations and in certain geographic regions.  Please take preventative measures!  I know, I know, you like making the pharmaceutical companies rich but monogamy or even better abstinence are free!!

By Just J of WillEYEListen.com

What is it about men and their awkwardly unconscious questions? Men tend to ask the one thing you were attempting to avoid. So in order to assist the men and help them dodge a henny and coke being splashed in their face, I have compiled a list of things men should never ask a woman. So for the sake of all things sacred, please read and comprehend these things. Then thank me later!!

CMON SON! PEEP CLARK KENT’S RESPONSE TO LOIS IN RED

Come on now Lois. All things asked don’t mean we should get a coke splashed in our faces.

How much do you weight/what size do you wear… Anything involving the size of a woman is pretty much off limits. And really, it’s none of your damn business that I squeeze into jeans that are 2 sizes too small. So don’t ask about it dammit.

Don’t be that way Lois. Ain’t nothing off limits if we’re past the begining stages of dating. Maybe we were going to buy you an outfit in the future and needed to know what size you wear. Or maybe we’re trying aviod the all so famous “do I look fat in the jeans?” If I know your right size we can just switch out your jeans with the proper size to avoid this question, lol

Is it that time of the month… What the hell is that supposed to mean? Let men tell it, every time a female shows a little emotion she must be menstruating. Just because I over emotionalize doesn’t necessarily mean my uterus is shedding. Maybe it’s you. Maybe all the passion and emotions are as a result of the dumb shit that men do. Ever thought about that? (not to sound like a feminist, although I may be skating on thin ice)

You’re definitely on thin ice Lois! As many times as I saved your a$$ when I wear my superman costume … you ungrateful little … oh wait, I think I’m on thin ice now, lol. No seriously. We need to ask this so that we know how to approach you. If you are acting extra emtional and you’re on the “cycle” then you get a pass. But if you’re losing your mind and your Aunt Flo isn’t in the building you best be explaining yourself Lois!

Was that as good for you as it was for me… Anything other than sleep or a sandwich post sex is so unnecessary, especially talking. No one wants to recap the nightly sex-capade and all its sweaty details. If it was good for me, trust me, you’ll know. **wink**

Can’t argue with this one at all Lois. Matter of fact can you make me a sandwich please?! Go light on the mayo … lol

How many sexual partners have you had… I believe this question should only be answered if it’s asked by your doctor. Plain and simple, you may not like the answer. It may be too many and you’ll think I’m a whore. It may be too little and you’ll think I’m a boring, stuck up, bougie bitch. Either way, some things are better left unsaid. As long as those test results are clean and the condom is on, the number is unimportant.

I’m not a doctor but I play one on TV. hahaha. Actually this question only really matters if we’re attempting to take the next step and be in a serious relationship. Otherwise I hope your bra and panties match cuz we’re doing too much talking and not nearly enough getting it in! Oh yeah … I still want that sandwich Lois!

Is that your real… hair, nails, eyes, eyelashes etc. You get the point. What if I asked you was your dick real? Offended I bet. Women take time to look good for the fellas. We have high standards to live up too. Chances are, the very women most men fantasize about are 75% fake. Sometimes we get lost in those things. However, if all the fakery is done right and in moderation, there should be no issues.

Hold on Lois! You mean to tell me you’ve got those booty implants like Nicki Minaj?! Hmnnn .. lol. But why shouldn’t we be allowed to know what is natural and what’s not? What if you did ask if my dick was real? I wouldn’t care I am the man of steel. And if it were fake I think you’d have the right to know. How would you like it if we went on a date and you found out my Visa card was fake, pretty offended right? I agree, moderation is cool but we should try to keep it as real as possible when we can.

by the way … I still don’t have that sandwich woman!! (just kidding) … LOL

When one year ends and a new one begins, people tend to make new years resolutions. Essentially, a new year’s resolution is one that is supposed to be for the betterment of the individual. One that helps to leave all negativity behind and start over! Well… I would like to contribute to the betterment of our society, and help you with your resolutions. Here are a few things that we all should leave in 2009. So if need be, include them in your new year’s resolution!

 -Skinny Jeans on Men: They say one man’s trash is another man’s treasure; however, skinny jeans are just trash and no one’s treasure. Men, do you truly believe that fluorescent colored, skin tight jeans, turn us ladies on? If your answer was yes, then it’s possible that it’s not the ladies you’re attempting to turn on. In the words of Miss Wendy, “How you doing?”

 -Uggs and leggings: Although separately the chance for approval is much higher, together, the Uggs/Legging combo is deadly. Plain and simple, this is the lazy chick’s outfit. Uggs are over-priced sheep skin. And leggings are under-priced bicycle pants. Ladies, it is time for us to get over it.

 -Bluetooth’s any place other than the car: While being able to drive hands free, and still enjoy the luxury of talking on the phone is great, a Bluetooth is not needed many other places. What good is a hands free cellular device in the club, when you can barely hear the person next to you. Do you think you would possibly be able to hear the person on the phone? The next dude in the club I see with his Bluetooth blinking in his ear, I’m going to snatch it out and run the other direction.  

 -The straight edged Lacefront: This is a sensitive subject and only because I know females that wear lacefronts and happen to wear them well. However, they are definitely the minority. As a weave wearer and never a lacefront wearer, my feelings are often hurt by the offensive straight edged lacefront. You know what I’m talking about. The one’s that look like you and got a blackout and then a shape up. Really though, I didn’t know chicks had hairlines like that. Anyway, let’s just leave this one in ’09.

 -Hip Hop Colloquialisms: At one point or another we have all fell victim to the slang and phrases of the Hip Hop culture. And with the year’s passing we must let the 2009 phrases die as well. It’s is time to say R.I.P to, Know that, I’m not off that, the riding of any kind of waves, I be knowing, What up doe, and the infamous, Where they do that at?

There were a ton of others I wanted to add, but I thought I would be border line offensive. So I decided to keep it to myself. Besides, I have to leave room for you guys to add to the list. What things do you think should be left in 2009?

Are romantic relationships still in existence? I mean the type of relationships where romance actually exsis. Or have we become so overtly over-sexual that romance has disappeared?

Ladies, when is the last time a man actively pursued you in a romantic manner, versus vying for sexual affection from the jump. For me, it’s been a minute. Yes, men pursue me, and regularly. However, it’s more of a “ma you’re sexy as hell” thing and not a “sweep me off my feet with sweet nothings” thing. I’ve noticed that while in the pursuit of a woman, men often jump straight for the jugular (i.e. SEX). Why not take the time to provide that necessary element of ‘wooing’ which could possibly lead to the underlying intention sooner.

 Men say why romance a broad and lead her on to believe some false fantasy. Regardless of what the initial intentions or actions may be, inevitably, it is understood what one party imagines the outcome to be. Whether it be sex, love, marriage or a monetary come up, someone has an idea of what they want to come of this meeting. Point being that the aspect of romance will further you to that outcome.

 But has any female in this generation even experienced real romance? Not the “call your cell phone, say I’m outside, take you on a date, open a couple of doors, romance” but the “get out of the car, ring your door bell with flowers in hand, open the car door, kiss your hand, dedicate a song to you” type of romance.  Let me answer, we haven’t experienced it. We’ve been conditioned to think of the man that brings flowers to you on a date or that open car doors, as a loser. Well not me, not any more. I am welcoming romance with open arms.

 Now when I discussed this topic with a few friends of mine, an interesting point was raised. Why can’t a woman romance a man? Not even thinking, I answered with some unorthodox answer as to why it isn’t possible. Later on I began to ponder on a reason as to why women can’t romance a man, and I was unable to think of a reason. So next man I meet, I’m going to romance that ass! Seriously.

 So let’s bring romance back, like door knocker earring, aviator shades, and the ‘salt n pepa’ hair cut. Hell if all of those thing can make a come back, so can romance!

By Just J of WillEyeListen.com

Is Light Skin Still In??

The light skin vs dark skin phenomenon will forever live on. I remember being in 7th grade being in love with the light skin honey with the light eyes and curly hair. (Elijah get a facebook) And when he kissed the girl that I used to call my sister (not cuz we were super close, but cuz people thought we had similar features), my love for the light skin brother ended. Sounds like unfair shade-ism but I had every right to turn my back on the very shade that I call my own.

Why Light Skin isn’t in (especially when you’re already the cream in the coffee)
Light Skin = Conceited and soft
Light Skin + Light Skin = an invisible baby
Photos come out with a background, some other people, and an explosion of light in the center.
In a relationship, one, if not both, will think he/she is prettier than the other. And that much vanity in one relationship is not cute.
You spend the whole relationship fighting for your love cuz someone of darker skin wants your boo. And everybody knows dark skin people are better fighters.
You can’t smack a light skin person cuz that red hand print across their face will put you in jail.
Light skin-did people are liars:
Average Joe: You have very fair skin, you must be mixed.
Light Skin Liar: No the hell I’m not… 100% black, baby!!
Light skin with nappy, peasy hair seems like an oxymoron that is often confronted with baby hair brushed and gelled to the forehead.
Research shows that lighter skin blacks are treated better and in turn get better jobs. Then when said light skin person opens his/her mouth, reciting urbandictionary.com, the boss realizes he made a mistake.
A light skin person who takes a week off from shaving turns into Big Foot.
Light skin people get tattoos on their necks to appear tougher… something else the boss realized too late.
If light skin people realize they really do get ashy, Jergens would be rich.
A smidget of too much makeup turns cute light skin girl into someone you hire to do face paintings and wear a red nose at ya kid’s birthday parties.
Everybody light skin ain’t cute!!
The list goes on…

I hope no one took offense to anything stated… and if you did, you’re probably light skin. All in all, I love dark skin, brown skin and any other skin significantly tanner than my own. (Love you KR). Be sure to check out the video above… sooo appropriate with the topic.

As a matter of Fact!!
February 5
1934 - Henry “Home Run King” Arron, baseball superstar was born
1950 – Singer Natalie Cole was born
1990 – Barack Obama became the 1st African American named president of the Harvard Law Review (you thought I was about to say of the US lol)
2010 – I did a brave thing and trash-talked blogged about my fellow light skin-dids

By The Janitor of  The Urban Politico

During last Wednesday’s State of the Union Address, you might recall the military brass who respectfully yet firmly remained seated when President Obama announced his aim to eradicate the military’s controversial “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. If there was ever any doubt before, the moment provided a crystal clear contrast between the Gay Rights Movement and the leadership of the United States Military.

There is a consensus among those of us here at The Urban Politico that Gays and Lesbians should not be treated as second-class citizens, including service in the military as well as the right to marry. We also note the extreme level of irony in the case where people who have never served in the military somehow feel they have the right to tell anybody, let alone Gay people, that they don’t have the right to serve in something that they themselves have never signed up for. However we here at U.P. do disagree on one thing. When making the argument for Gay Rights, it has become increasingly popular to compare or, sometimes, to even equate the Gay Struggle with the Black Struggle. Gay is the “New Black,” or so the slogan goes. Just as within the Black Community, some of us feel the two struggles are the same, while some of us feel that the two cannot, and should not, be compared. The Urban Politico staff weighs in after the jump.
(*special thanks to The Root for shouting us out on this topic*) 

The Janitor’s 2 Cents:
I don’t think that the Gay struggle should be compared to Black struggle, but probably not for reasons that you might think. I understand the attraction of wanting to use the Black struggle as an historic example of legal precedent standing for equality. As a lawyer, I get that. However, I don’t think that’s a smart strategy for Gay rights. In other words, advocates shouldn’t say Gays have the right to marry today just because Blacks got the right to marry back in the 60’s. One argument should not be dependent upon the other. If that’s the case, then, for the sake of argument, if Black’s were ever to lose the right to marry, Gays would then also lose the right to marry. Instead, Gays should have the right to marry because if a particular state denies them that right, that state is not following the Constitution’s Equal Protection Clause. Period. No matter who does or does not have the right to get married in that state. Another reason why it’s not good strategy to base the argument for Gay rights on the Black civil rights movement is because the Black community is still largely beholden to the Black church, and I don’t have to tell you where the Black church stands on the concept of Gay marriage. (see California’s Prop 08) And lastly, when arguing before a court, there are still too many differences between (A) Black people and (B) human sexuality that can be used to distinguish, and therefore, defeat the argument for Gay rights if you try to equate the two. So in other words, I don’t think that the Gay struggle should be compared to the Black struggle because it doesn’t need to be in order to be victorious.

The Fed’s 2 Cents:
Just yesterday Sarah Palin jumped on Rahm Emanuel for his use of the word ‘retarded.’ She said his use of that word was equivalent to using the ‘N’ word. While the use of the word ‘retarded’ is very insulting, and in bad taste, it should NOT be compared to the use of the ‘N’ word. I say this as an example of how far removed and desensitized we have become to one of the most devastating histories the world has seen. Our history has been demoted to that of a mere insult.

There is NO other race of people in one country that has the history of the Black American. From Slavery to Jim Crow, MILLIONS have fought, bled, and died for MORE than just equal rights, but also for the right for freedom, the right to live, and the right to be seen as a human being. You know the history, it is one that includes being considered only 3/5 a person. It is one that includes the need for a US military escort JUST to go to school. It is one where our country divided, went to war with itself – brother against brother, family against family. Up to and including the Vietnam war, the number of US lives killed in the Civil war surpassed the US lives lost in all other wars combined – not to mention the assassination of the US President. In my opinion, this history should NOT be marginalized and equated to simply a mean thing to say. The use of the ‘N’ word ISN’T the same, and the Gay Plight isn’t the same. It is one thing to fight for the right to marry someone with the same sex. It is a COMPLETELY different thing to be killed for doing so – Heck, many times you didn’t even have to marry, just LOOK at a white woman!

HOWEVER

This is not to say the Gay Plight isn’t hard, or shouldn’t be taken seriously! It absolutely should be. ALL Americans deserve equal rights. PERIOD! There are clear similarities between the old sodomy and anti-miscegenation laws.

Side Note: The SCOTUS heard the Loving case, and many anti-miscegenation cases back in the day. They showed courage to make our country better for everyone. For today’s court not to tackle Same-Sex marriage issue, and brush it off as a “States Rights” issue, SCREAMS of the cowardliness that we have holding court today. Alito, Thomas, Scalia, Roberts can go down in history as cowards! This is a CLEAR constitutional issue, and you not hearing it is going against everything our country stands for…(That is JUST my opinion)

The Black struggle laid the foundation and should NOT be limited to JUST black people. Many groups benefited from the shit back people went through – rightfully so. Brown V. Board didn’t just allow blacks to go to white schools, it allowed integration! That meant that Black, Asian, Hispanic, and Gay citizens in our country could all go to school together. MLK wasn’t fighting for JUST Blacks, he was fighting for EVERYONE to be equal. I definitely feel there are elements that are the same with both fights. The states shouldn’t be allowed to tell ANYONE who they can marry regardless of race or sexual preference. Even religiously speaking, I grew up in a home where everyone was a pastor, and I respect their position. But that position should stay IN THE CHURCH and not in the state (or federal) legislature.

In other words, the Gay community should be allowed equal rights BECAUSE of the Black American History, NOT because it is LIKE the Black American History.

Lady Z’s 2 Cents:
I don’t really have a huge problem with the Gay struggle for equal rights being compared to the long struggle African Americans have gone through. For me, the struggle for equality in the African American community can serve as a guide for Gay Americans as they fight for the same rights we all enjoy (This is an area in which I think we at The UP all agree). While I do understand why some people in the black community do not want the Gay community to “co-opt” the struggle of black people, I do recognize that it is the most relevant part of modern American history for them to draw from.

That said, it is important to point out that one of the main reasons why the movement for Gay rights has not had as much support as it should is because of the large number of African Americans who believe the bible says being Gay is a sin. We could probably argue until we were blue in the face over what the bible does or does not say based on our own individual interpretations, but for me that really shouldn’t dictate the fundamental human rights of another person. I’m a Christian, but I am also an American. Like The Fed said above, at one point blacks were considered to be only 3/5s of a human being. Being a Gay American in this country today is not the same as being black for most of 19th and 20th centuries BUT there is some correlation there and I think that instead of getting upset when the two are compared, we should recognize those connections instead of dismissing them.

Right now Gay Americans are being treated as though they are not full human beings. This is not just about the right to marry, being able to see your loved one in a hospital, or being able to serve openly in the military. As Professor Melissa Harris-Lacewell wrote eloquently in a piece for The Nation, Gay rights have to do with the right to love another person and by not allowing this union to be recognized by the state you are denying them a very important part of the human experience. She writes:

[A] good marriage must be among the most powerful, life-affirming, emotionally fulfilling experiences available to human beings. I support marriage equality not only because it is unfair, in a legal sense, to deny people the privileges of marriage based on their identity; but also because it also seems immoral to forbid some human beings from opting into this emotional experience.

While I agree with the majority of what was said by The Janitor and The Fed, I do not really get upset when Civil Rights and Gay Rights are connected because I honestly believe that black people should be the first ones in favor of fundamental human rights being afforded to everyone, given our history. I’m sure someone is now going to quote the bible to me.

“>Source

I haven’t written anything in a while and I would like to apologize to the few people that have asked me where I have been. It’s an extremely hard task to keep you entertained and informed on a daily basis, while working my aggravating ass 9 to 5. Nevertheless, I am back and hopefully you guys accept my apology! But what I want to talk about is casual dating. I’ve noticed that this is something that is almost impossible to do. So we must dissect this situation in order to properly attempt the casual date.

 When two people ‘casually’ date, or more so date without the exclusive title, things become sticky and complicated.  Especially, when you see each other and spend time on a regular basis. Feelings arise and in the end someone will get hurt. What we have to remember when we casually date is NOT get too close to someone and keep your options open. This is especially a female trait. We tend to think as soon as you get close to a guy, you’ll be his girlfriend. Which is almost never the case. Like the old saying goes, “Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?”  

 Ladies we are partially responsible for putting up with certain things and believing that we are in a relationship, when we aren’t. Chicks go around talking about my man this and my man that, while dude just thinks of you as another notch on his belt. But it’s not just our fault. Dudes you have to stop making these females think that she’ll be your wife one day and filling her head with all the right things when you don’t mean them. For example, my homeboy is constantly telling a chick he’s dating that he’ll be ready for a relationship real soon. Never once has he said to her that she’ll be the other person in that relationship. So I asked my homeboy, “why do you keep telling her that.” This fool had the nerve to say, ‘cause she gives good head.” I wanted to tell ‘ole girl so bad to stop braining him, but it really doesn’t concern me.

 And although, we all know that everyone that casually dates isn’t like this, I can guarantee that most of us have been in similar situations. So here’s how to protect yourself from any unnecessary ‘casual’ dating harm.

-Make sure all intentions are clearly disclosed. If it’s a jump off situation, fine! As long as you know what it is.

-If you decide you no longer want to casually date and want a commitment or want to leave, let the other person know. There’s nothing worst than continuing to let feelings escalate.

-If the person has let you know there will never be anything more, make EVREY attempt to leave your feelings at the door. If not, get out ASAP!

-Make sure you always have other options on stash. My opinion, dating is like basketball. You want to definitely have your starting 5 and maybe even a few bench players. Keep that rotation flowing.

-Never elect more time to one over the other. By giving that one person too much of your time it’ll end up going one of two ways. He’ll either get tired of you or he’ll become a crazy stalker that chooses to believe every second you’re not with him, your with someone else (which is probably true).  

 I’m sure I forgot plenty, but these are definitely the essentials. I just made casual dating easy, no commitment necessary!

I saw an interesting quote while browsing through the web that said, “If Jesus Could Wife a Whore, Why Can’t You Wife a Lady with a Baby?”  And when you think about it, it’s so true. A whore can definitely lie or conceal her whorish past and get wifed up quickly. But there’s no hiding children or the drama that may or may not come along with them.

I know this chick that has 3 kids with two different fathers and is only 25 years old. She really wants to start dating again, but she said that every time she reveals to a guy that she has three kids, she never hears from him again. I tried explaining it her like this. Although, she is a beautiful, smart, successful woman; she also has baggage. And not like a light carry on bag either. Three kids is a WHOLE lot of baggage, no matter the circumstance. But for her it’s like this, she has no baby daddy drama, her own place, drives a BMW and makes almost 6 figures. But most dudes won’t even take the time to get to know all of that. As soon as kids come up, all you see is the smoke clear.

And then there’s the weird double standard when it comes to dating someone with kids. A dude will have 20 kids and 20 different baby mothers, all kinds of stupid ass drama, and won’t even see, nor take care of his kids, but will still have at least 5 chicks on deck. Come on ladies, we have to hold these dudes to the same standards that they hold us to! Why the fuck can he continue busting nuts around town while the mother is home with the baby, searching for a baby sitter? It’s just not fair. I’m honestly just speaking from what I’ve seen. I don’t have any children, so this is far from a problem for me. But I am a frequent member of the beauty salon, where I hear about it a little more than I would like to.

Here’s the deal, if you are a single man with no children (or even if you have some), give shawty with the 3 kids a chance. Not every one has drama. Understand that us single women, with no children don’t have that problem and more than likely we get hit on alot more often. Which means the lady with the baby will be easier to talk to. Her adult conversation is limited. If you are able to except that fact that she has children, she’ll never forget that. I’m not saying be/replace  her babies daddy or even try to bond with the child.  Just take the time to embrace her and the fact that she has a child won’t even matter.

It seems like there isn’t a day that passes by that one person or another doesn’t ask me for advice regarding their relationship. And every time I’m extremely hesitant about giving advice. However, not everyone shares this same sentiment. Most times people give their advice to you without you even asking for it. But my fellow Alleyesonwhoer’s can giving or receiving advice be damaging?

Hell to the yea!!! My philosophy about advice, regarding a romantic relationship is that you can not ‘advise’ someone on what to do in ‘their’ relationship. Even if they ask you for it, there is a thin line that borders friendly advice and jealousy. See even with the closest of friends most times one will be too outspoken on the situation and offend the other. It’s like this, your best friend and her man have been together for years now. They have a child and live together. Your friend has discovered that her man has cheated and comes to you for some friendly advice or even just some emotional support.  Naturally we are prone to tell our friend, “leave his ass girl, he ain’t worth it.” Understandable cheating is enough just cause to leave. BUT, your friend is the one that needs to make that decision. Not you. In a situation like that you just lend your ear and listen. And even when she asks you, just simply say, “that’s a decision you have to make, but no matter what I am here for you.”

But we all know that there’s always that one ‘friend’ that’s just all in the relationship. She wants to know what ya’ll do and how. When you’re in a relationship somethings are better left to the imagination. Especially when it comes to your friends. Sometimes I think women over share with their friends when it comes to their man or even someone their just fucking. There is really no need to divulge in a convo describing all the intimate details of the “off the hook” or even horrible sex you and him shared. All that does is give your friend ammunition to put to use later on in life.

Now don’t get me wrong, not all friends are this way. Some just listen with an open mind and take in consideration your feelings, which is great. But ladies we all know that we do wrong too. And more times then not, we’ll flip the script and make it appear as if your dude was in the wrong. So now what is your friend supposed to say. “Girl, you know you’re wrong…” No. You’ll feel some type of way. She’s your friend. Her loyalty lies with you. And as a result, there’s now tension between the two. It’s never worth it. I say advice is simply an opinion, but all opinions vary! So next time you’re asked for some advice simply say to yourself, ” I have to mind my own damn business…”

Today I feel the need to vent, so please don’t mind me.

I am tired of these wack ass dudes coming up to me on the street or anywhere for that matter, saying a bunch of bullshit like, “Yo Ma wassup?” For one, I’m not your mother. And for two, should I be impressed by that statement?  Let me explain. Today this guy approaches me and starts off well. He immediately goes straight for a compliment about the watch I was wearing, which was nice of him, especially because it wasn’t about my looks. He then goes on to ask if I had a man. I politely answer yes (which is a lie for the most part). Then out of nowhere comes the ignorance that I expected from the jump. “Yo shawty fuck ya man,” and blah, blah, blah. After that, I ignored the hell out of him, finished my purchase and sped out of that parking lot.

So why is it that as soon as a chick reveals she has a man or appears to be uninterested, dudes have to jump for the jugular? One guy I know broke it down to me like this, he said ‘the more disrespectful he is to you or in reference to your man, the better he feels about the rejection he just faced.’ But isn’t rejection a part of life? You can’t just go around cursing out everyone that rejects you. So I’ve come up with a few sure fire ways to play down the rejection or at least camouflage the fact that you were even trying to holler at all.

 -Using a compliment as the opening line is a great way to break the ice. But try an out of the ordinary compliment, not something you think she may hear everyday.

-Be as polite as possible, even if you’re only interested in some jump off action. The nicer you are the easier it’ll be to get her number or head to the bed room.

-Strike a conversation. Nothing too extreme, just general conversation maybe about your surrounds. But make sure that whatever you ask is open ended. Give her an opportunity to answer and engage in the convo.

-DON’T be pushy. If she’s interested you’ll know.

 There are probably many more that’ll soften the blow of rejection that my mind has blocked out. But when they come to me I’ll begin preparation on part 2…

So this weekend I attended a ‘Toy Party’ that a friend of mine threw. Now I’ve been to a few in my lifetime and will probably be attending many more, but what I’m having trouble with is how some people act? Have you ever noticed there’s always that one judgmental chick at the party giving everyone the side eye, while we all get overly excited about the newest ‘Rotating Rabbit?’ I mean really chick, why did you come? To throw shade at us all night. And what’s even crazier is that the same chick giving the side eye is the one who bought the most crap. She got all the coochie creams, dildo’s, tightening potions and whatever other magic elixir’s they had to offer. So what’s with all the shade, homegirl? Who knows. Maybe it’s some type of insecurity or embarrassment. I say stay your ass home next time.

 But other than the chick with the stank ‘tude, there are always a few others that just don’t act right or came for all the wrong reasons. I mean for me the whole purpose of a toy party is to promote self exploration, which I’m all for. Understandable everyone doesn’t view it like that. But I’m sure we can all agree that the judgmental stares and evil eyes are totally unnecessary. I say all that to get to the point, which is the official toy party etiquette. 

1. Keep the drinking to a minimum. I know many of you out there probably feel other wise; however, we really don’t need you getting sloppy drunk and trying to sneak off to the bathroom to test drive the toys.
2. Come with an open mind and understand what you are getting into. If you never been to one, do a little research and brace yourself. Try not to judge the other people there and what toys they find interesting.
3. Be prepared to buy something. Even if you’re not into those kinds of things purchase something small, like a candle or lotion. Not everything there is something freaky. You don’t want to be remembered as the broke freeloader that ate all the wing flings.
4. Finally, let the demonstrator demonstrate! Just because you’ve been to a million toy parties and know exactly what the newest vibrating sensations is, doesn’t mean you have to let us all know. If that’s the case buy a kit and give your own damn party.

So ladies, next time you plan to attend a toy party be mindful of others. Just because it’s a nasty event doesn’t mean you need to act that way!

You know what, I totally CAN NOT agree with this. I’m sorry! I know I’m probably going to catch a lot of flack for this but to hell with it. I’ve recently heard that the President of the Historically Black, all men’s college, Morehouse, is enforcing a dress code on its students. And exactly how you are going tell grown men what to wear? I understand that enforcing some type of restrictions for special campus events may be necessary. However, #8 is just plain ridiculous. Like isn’t that the whole point of college to have the freedom to just roll out of bed and head to class. In my college days, I hardly ever had on real clothes before noon.

 And it’s not that most of these request aren’t feasible, it’s more so that your college years are what may be your last free years before entering into the inhibited ‘real world.’ Take a look at #9. Now if a man chooses to wear women’s clothes to class, why the hell not? Understandable, that the rules would prohibit this type of dress for special events and functions, but to prohibit it from everyday campus life is just rude.

 Now don’t get me wrong, I totally get the reason for this dress codes evolution. And again, I understand that this policy may be necessary for sponsored events and other campus-wide events. BUT NO DU-RAGS IN THE CAFETERIA… I mean come on! I’m just eating. Really is it that serious. Who would actually be offended by that? Anyway, before I get to rambling, take a look at a little of what the Morehouse College president had to say and the dress code itself. What do you think? Am I over analyzing?

“It is our expectation that students who select Morehouse do so because of the College’s outstanding legacy of producing leaders. On the campus and at College-sponsored events and activities, students at Morehouse College will be expected to dress neatly and appropriately at all times.

*All administrative, faculty, students and support staff members are asked to assist in enforcing this policy and may report disregard or violations to the Office of Student Conduct.”

I was recently given some information that I felt would be of great benefit to those that don’t know the procedure when getting pulled over. Most of this information is available on Flexyourrights.org.

PROTECT YOUR RIGHTS DURING A TRAFFIC STOP

In any given traffic stop, with a few notable exceptions, the below rules will help protect your civil rights and improve your chances of driving away safely—so you don’t have to be a legal expert to say and do the right thing.
Outline:
I. Keep Your Private Items Out of View
II. Be Courteous and Non-Confrontational
III. Just Say “No” to Warrantless Searches
IV. Determine if You Can Leave
V. Do Not Answer Questions Without Your Lawyer Present
VI. Do Not Physically Resist

1) Keep Your Private Items Out of View
Always keep any private items that you don’t want others to see out of sight. Legally speaking, police do not need a search warrant in order to confiscate any illegal items that are in plain view.
Probable cause Doctrine:
a) Many factors contribute to a police officer’s level of authority in a given situation. Understanding the what, when, why, and how of police conduct during a stop is confusing for most people. Varying standards of proof exist to justify varying levels of police authority during citizen contacts. An understanding of these standards will help the citizen understand when police can surpass constitutional protections.
b) Reasonable suspicion Facts or circumstances which would lead a reasonable person to suspect that a crime has been, is being, or will be committed
i. At this stage, police may detain the suspect for a brief period and perform a frisk. In some cases, drug-sniffing dogs may be called to the scene, although officers must cite a reason for suspecting the presence of drug evidence in particular. Refusing a search does not create reasonable suspicion, although acting nervous and answering questions inconsistently can. For this reason, it is BEST NOT to answer questions if you have to lie in order to do so. Police authority increases if they catch you in a lie, but not if you refuse to answer questions. As a general rule, reasonable suspicion applies to situation in which police have reason to believe you’re up to something, but they don’t know what it is.
c) Probable cause Facts or evidence that would lead a reasonable person to believe that a crime has been, is being, or will be committed and the person arrested is responsible
i. At this stage, police may perform a search, and often an arrest. Probable cause generally means police know what crime they suspect you of and have discovered evidence to support that belief. Common examples include seeing or smelling evidence which is in plain view, or receiving an admission of guilt for a specific crime.
ii. For the conscientious citizen, the best advice regarding police authority is to stick to your guns and not waive your constitutional rights under any circumstances. Police officers will often give misleading descriptions of what their authority is, but you have nothing to gain by submitting to coercive police tactics. Asserting your rights properly is good way to avoid arrest, but it is an even better way to avoid a conviction.

2) Be Courteous & Non-Confrontational
If you are pulled over, the first thing you should to do is turn your car off, turn the dome light on (if it’s nighttime), roll down the front-window, and keep your hands on the steering wheel. Don’t immediately reach into your glove compartment for your license and registration. Officers want to be able to see your hands for their own safety. Wait until the officer asks to see your paperwork before retrieving your documents.
The first thing you should say to the officer is, “Hello officer. Can you tell me why I am being pulled over?” The officer may give you a hard time or say, “Why do you think I pulled you over?” Tell the officer you don’t know. Most importantly, do not apologize after you get stopped, because that can be considered an admission of guilt and could be used against you later in court.
Show your identification if it’s requested. Be respectful and non-confrontational. Refer to the police as “Sir,” “Ma’am,” or “Officer.” Remain calm and quiet while the officer is reviewing your documents. If the officer writes you a ticket, accept it quietly and never complain (if a ticket is the least of your worries). Listen to any instruction on paying the fine or contesting the ticket, and drive away slowly.
3) Just Say “No” to Warrantless Searches
Warning: If a police officer asks your permission to search, you are under no obligation to consent. The only reason he’s asking you is because he doesn’t have enough evidence to search without your consent. If you consent to a search request you give up one of the most important constitutional rights you have—your Fourth Amendment protection against unreasonable searches and seizures.
4th Amendment: The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized. (Wikipedia.org)
A majority of avoidable police searches occur because citizens naively waive their Fourth Amendment rights by consenting to warrantless searches. As a general rule, if a person consents to a warrantless search, the search automatically becomes reasonable and therefore legal. Consequently, whatever an officer finds during such a search can be used to convict the person.
Don’t expect a police officer to tell you about your right not to consent. Police officers are not required by law to inform you of your rights before asking you to consent to a search. In addition, police officers are trained to use their authority to get people to consent to a search, and most people are predisposed to comply with any request a police officer makes. For example, the average motorist stopped by a police officer who asks them, “Would you mind if I search your vehicle, please?” will probably consent to the officer’s search without realizing that they have every right to deny the officer’s request.
If, for any reason you don’t want the officer digging through your belongings, you should refuse to consent by saying something like, “Officer, I know you want to do your job, but I do not consent to any searches of my private property.” If the officer still proceeds to search you and finds illegal contraband, your attorney can argue that the contraband was discovered through an illegal search and hence should be thrown out of court.
You should never hesitate to assert your constitutional rights. Just say “no!”
4) Determine if You Can Leave
You have the right to terminate an encounter with a police officer unless you are being detained under police custody or have been arrested. The general rule is that you don’t have to answer any questions that the police ask you. This rule comes from the Fifth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which protects you against self-incrimination. If you cannot tell if you are allowed to leave, say to the officer, “I have to be on my way. Am I free to go?”
If the officer says “Yes,” tell him to have a nice day, and leave immediately. If the officer’s answer is ambiguous, or if he asks you another unrelated question, persist by asking “am I being detained, or can I go now?” If the officer says “No,” you are being detained, and you may be placed under arrest. If this is the case, reassert your rights as outlined above, and follow Rules #5 and #6.
5) Do Not Answer Questions without Your Attorney Present
There is no reason to worry that your failure to answer the officer’s questions will later be used against you. The truth is just the opposite: Anything you say can, and probably will, be used against you.
In just about any case imaginable, a person is best off not answering any questions about his involvement in anything illegal. Assert your Fifth and Sixth Amendment rights by saying these exact words: “Officer, I have nothing to say until I speak with a lawyer.”
*Remember- If you do choose to answer any of the officer’s questions, always be honest. If you feel it is best not to answer truthfully, then don’t say anything at all.
6) Do Not Physically Resist
If the police proceed to detain, search, or arrest you despite your wishes—do not physically resist. You may state clearly but non-confrontationally: “Officer, I am not resisting arrest and I do NOT consent to any searches.” Or you may assert your rights by simply saying nothing until you can speak with an attorney.
Information from www.flexyourrights.org

Did you know that Breast Cancer is the most common cancer and the second leading cause of death in women? Did you also know that 95% of women diagnosed with Breast Cancer in the early stages survive? These are two little know facts about a disease that is slowly taking out women left and right. And why? It’s because we, as women, aren’t taking the time to self check.  So being that October is National Breast Cancer Awareness month, I felt is necessary to touch on a topic that may affect our lives one way or another.

What’s most important to know is that Breast Cancer can affect more than just women. Men also have breast tissue. And although the amount of tissue is significantly less than that of a woman, it is still extremely important to know that men are affected too. Men only make up 1% of Breast Cancer cases and the symptoms are similar to those in women.

Signs that something may be wrong are: discharging from the nipple, sore or scaling nipple, dimpling of the breast area, lumps and sudden change in breast shape and size. It is important to feel your breast and feel them often.  Ladies, if you are uncomfortable touching yourself (which you shouldn’t be), get your man involved. Make it a monthly activity and have him do it for you. Think of different ways to keep yourself healthy and happy, as long as you are checking!  

For more information on Breast Cancer Awareness, please visit www.nbcam.org for additional information.

Is oral sex overrated? So I was doing my usual daily youtube rounds and came across this interview of Slim Thug and Angela Yee. Slim Thug begins to tell the world how he’s not really a fan of getting head (around the 2 minute mark). Now I’m thinking what man, gay or straight for that matter, doesn’t like to get his knob slobbed? Slim went on to say that most of the time he goes soft and there were very few times that he actually ejaculated as a result. Now I’m thinking to my self WTF, home girl must not be doing it right, but then I began to further investigate and evaluate why this may be.

 So I asked approximately 10 men their views on oral sex. And surprisingly 6 of the 10 said that oral sex is overrated. I was taken aback by that. The #1 supporting argument from them was that IT DOES NOT MAKE THEM CUM!!!!! Now although that may be a valid argument, I had to ask, “it does still feel good, right?” And the majority said yes it feels good; however, the synopsis was more like it’s an ongoing, pointless argument. It’s never going to end, so what’s the point? The more I talked to different men, the more it became apparent; they were basically saying that if their chick did a few things different it could help them reach that point.

 So while debating a few dudes, my argument was if I were to make you cum during head then that means no sex, because we all know most men can’t go right back at it. And if you can, the second nutt will take entirely too long. Now with that being said, it leads me to say this, I think, no I know, we don’t make you cum on purpose. Its not that we don’t know how to, it’s that we don’t want to. For our own selfish reasons maybe. Women have been sexually oppressed for years now. The time has come for us to strike back. I say death to the oral orgasm. Well at least until you get yours!

 But ladies on a more serious note, we expect our man to give us good head, so it’s only right to reciprocate. Taking the time to learn your man’s body is important. So although, he may not openly tell you he doesn’t enjoy getting head, it may be that you aren’t doing it to please him, but more so doing it because you feel you have to. In life, not just sex, I find if you take the time to learn about something, regardless if you’re interested or not, it becomes less strenuous. Learn how to orally please your man, but just don’t make him cum from it!

Lately, I’ve been encountering a large number of people with the mindset that you are single until you’re married, even while in a committed relationship. And as much as I would like to embrace this statement, I’m not 100% sure I can.

 I once heard that dating is like “the get to know period” and that you should always keep your options open. Here’s the thing, there is a big difference between dating and a monogamous relationship. Dating is indeed “the get to know period.” This is the time that you come to terms with whether or not you would consider the other person monogamy worthy. I think where people get their signals crossed is when they just become exclusive for the sake of being exclusive or to satisfy the other person involved. Your intentions were never marriage and you know you would cheat should the opportunity arise. Therefore, in your mind you remain single. Whereas the other person is committed and now each of you are on different  pages.

 Monogamy is Monogamy! No matter if you are married or not. Should two people decide that they are in a monogamous relationship, single is no longer an appropriate title for either party involved. Now should this not be determined then all is fair in the single world. Many of you are probably thinking that if you are not married then you are legally single, which in turn means you are free to do what you want, legally. But a verbal agreement is a verbally agreement. At the end of the day, it’s legal right? You do have integrity right? I’m sure you do. So when you verbalize to your partner that you will be committed and faithful, those guidelines are expected to be followed. No one is trying to hear that, ”we’re not married, so I’m free to do what I want,” bullshit. Essentially it was that same bullshit that gave birth to the Common-Law Marriage. No one wants to be the Forever boyfriend/girlfriend or be treated like one! I say my next man will be my husband and he has 7 seven years (as per the common-law, hehe).  

 But now what about homosexual relationships? Marriage is only legal for them in 6 states. So are they expected to get up and relocate their life for marriage, or just consider themselves single forever? Not at all, they verbally commit to one another and value that verbal commitment. The problem with my peers, meaning those in their mid to late 20’s, is that we have lost the value of relationships (somewhere around the time hip hop died). The men are so determine to be the next Lil Wayne (as much as I love him) with 5 baby mothers’ and the women feel the need to be the definition of ‘Miss Independent,’ that the value of having a meaningful and committed relationship is almost frowned upon. However, I digress.

 The point of me writing this was to say that if you want to be considered single, FINE! But make sure all agreements are clear and concise. Sex is sex, dates are dates and a relationship is a relationship. Have integrity and stand behind your word, because that’s all you have.

With every progressing day, it appears that the “cougars” of the world are beginning to reveal themselves more and more. I understand that women out number men tremendously; however, a 50 year old woman dating a 25 year old BOY is just plain ridiculous. Should this even be legal? Ok, it being illegal may be a bit much, I admit, but where are your standards? There aren’t many things I dislike in this world, but cougars happen to be one of the few.

 I look at it like this. If I was a 50 year old woman, what could I possibly want with a 25 year old man? What could we do together, or where could we go that we both would enjoy? Other than a young virile penis in between my things, what other possible activity could we enjoy? I’ve talked to a few older women who attempted to explain their cougar-dom and no reason could make me understand such a syndrome (as I like to call it). Anything other than a fling with a man who is young enough to be your son is unacceptable.

 With shows such as, “Cougar Town,” and “Meet the Cougar,” which highlight the older woman’s pursuit for younger men, America’s fascination with the modern day MILF has become elusive. I’m all down for the whole “How Stella got her groove back” movement, but why can’t you get your groove back with someone in your own age range. Or at least once your groove has been recovered, then return to those in your age range. I’m just saying!

 Anyway, while doing some research on this topic I found it oddly interesting that there were so many websites dedicated to cougars and those in pursuit of the cougar. Everything from dating tips to family issues to psychological issues are readily available. But the one thing that stood out like a sore thumb was the recommendation to lubricate. The website stated that as women age it is harder for their natural vagina juices to flow and to use lubrication. Is it just me, or do we feel like if she can’t get a little wet, more than lubrication is needed? Like maybe a trip to the GYN.

I just feel like older women are too much work with there menopause, bunions and hot flashes. Aren’t their enough pre-Viagra, post-middle aged men out there to handle them? I mean, after these cougars scoop up all the young hotties, what’s going to be left for me??? Nothing but thugs, gays and losers. Guess I’ll take the losers!

After years in a relationship, sometimes we begin to let ourselves go. We no longer care about the things that initially gained our partners interest. I hear a lot of older people say that after a certain amount time looks no longer matter. Well that’s a bunch of bull shit if you ask me. Looks are equally important and I believe they become more important as time goes on. But other than looks you must maintain that initial spark, by any means necessary.

Like my favorite artist says in one of my favorite songs, “Ladies, when you been with your man for a long time, every now and then you have to go in the back of that closet and put on that freak ‘um dress.” I so agree with Bey. How do you think she got Jay to keep that camel in his pants. Seriously tho, why work so hard to get into a relationship to let it all go for something as simple as sex or sexiness.

Things that were done to gain his interest should continue and new things should be formed. I know women that have been in their relationships for years and claim to have sex once a week, maybe twice. Once a week is not enough to keep your man from roaming. Men are sexual creatures by nature. It’s in their genetics. Women get upset when their man has a wandering eye or he goes as far as cheating. But if you aren’t fucking him, then someone else will!

Now please don’t misconstrue what I’m saying. I don’t mean if you fuck his brains out three times a day he won’t cheat. That is not at all the message I’m conveying. The important thing here is not to let the sexiness in your relationship fall apart. If you want your relationship to work you have to itemize the things that got ya’ll together and the things that will keep ya’ll together.

Another major part is the looks. You can’t get him looking like Malibu Barbie. Now after a year in the relationship, you start looking like Frankie (keyshia cole’s mother). That’s just not right! You don’t have to be dolled up all the time but take care of the things he likes most. For example, if you man is attracted to feet. Make sure your pedi is on point. Even when winter rolls around. Something as small as a pedi will show your man that you want to stay looking nice for him.

At the end of the day, if you want to stay in your relationship, make sure your are taking all the necessary steps. Its hard enough to find a man, but once you do, make sure you do what you have to in order to  keep him!

This morning when I read about the tragic loss of 16 year old Derrion Albert, my mind ran through several images of what could have happened. But never in a million years did I imagine it was as bad as it was. While watching the explicit video that displayed children running rampant, while swinging boulders at one another, I did make a feeble attempt to comprehend why or even how a fight of this magnitude could happen. And I was unable to even come up with even one explanation.

I remember certain situations from my high school and college days that resembled this very incident. One in particular. It was 2004 and my university’s annual fashion show for our sister campus was taking place. After the fashion show, all that attended the show, attended the after party as well. Everything seemed to be fine, until what appeared to be a somewhat small fight between two gentleman, broke out. But what happened next, I don’t think anyone was prepared for. The campus security appeared to have the fight under control until the warring entourages began to brawl. There were so many people fighting in so many different places that it was astonishing to me. There were several stabbings and one person even got shot. And although his life wasn’t taken, was a gun shot necessary? I say, No. Not in any situation.

When will WE, meaning all people not just African Americans, figure out that violence is never the answer? Understanding that you can do more damage with someone, than against them is key. I strongly feel that there is no reason for things to EVER go as far as they did in this situation. What those men did to Derrion was cruel, selfish, and thoughtless. They took a life prematurely and they deserve to be punished to the fullest extent of the law. They deserve the death penalty if you ask me. But I am not the judge, nor is this their judgment day. But one thing I do know is that they will get what they deserve, and I hope it’s soon.

 Remember people; don’t let violence be the resolution to your problems. We have got to overcome this and do better. Please, STOP THE VIOLENCE!

These are two of the men accused in the death of Derrion Albert.

The other day Jay-Z appeared on the Oprah show. One thing they discussed which was compelling to me was the frequent use of the word Nigger in the hip-hop community. Their views on this word were almost extreme opposites, but yet both points were extremely valid. Oprah stated that the word Nigger carries a sense of hatred and degradation. She went on to say that she associates the word with black men that were lynched. Jay-Z, on the other hand, professed that people give words power. Further noting that the hip hop community has removed the negative connotation of the word and turned it into a term of endearment.

 But whose point has more validation? Unsure myself as each opposing end of this argument can hold its own.

Oprah, being a product of the generation that was directly affected by the negative and racist use of the word, has let those experiences shape her opinion of the word and its current use. But is that fair? Of course it is. Let’s say ‘you’ (meaning those of African American decent) are walking down the street and pass an older Caucasian man rapping the words to a popular Young Jeezy song. He quickly runs through the lyrics and says the ‘N’ word several times and doesn’t care to even think twice. Not offended, right? I’m not. But let’s say this same older Caucasian man approaches you and says, “Wassup my nigga.” Undoubtely, as an African American, ‘you’ would have some type of feeling toward being blatantly called a nigger by an older Caucasian person.  

 Jay-Z’s feelings toward the word are slightly different, to say the least. Jay feels that the power behind the word has been removed. I can completely understand Jay’s point. And as a frequent abuser of the ‘N’ word, I must admit that I never use the word negatively. Jay goes on to state that if we discontinue the word it will only be replaced with another. All are true, but another negative word will not have the history that the word Nigger has.

On the latter end of their conversation, Oprah stated that when her generation has died out the negative connotation will no longer exist, because of today’s use of the word. My children and my children’s children will no longer have a direct representative of the pain that word had caused. For me, my parents and grandparents have actually lived in those times and can express that hurt to me from personal experiences. For my children’s children, they will not know anyone that is able to express the negativity behind the ‘N’ word, personally. And with the way our society is going now, their only representation of the word will be the history books and rap songs. Both of which provided a limited and unparalleled explanation.

 Whether the ‘N” word is in your repertoire of everyday verbiage or not, it is important to remember the origin of the word. And just because you say nigga and not nigger doesn’t mean the definition has changed. Remember words are powerful, no matter how you use them.

Last week I armed you with the knowledge of how to properly use a condom. Well today’s video gives you an alternative method of protection, the female condom. And although, it isnt as  popular, it is as effective. I’ve heard too many females talking about they are allergic to condoms, well you can use this. Remember safe sex saves lives!!!

For years my teachers, parents, and all authoritative figures in my life have been drilling me on my presentation. How I carry and present myself.  Often times you have but an instant to make an impression; and what people see is what they perceive to be true if they don’t know otherwise.  So in, short you must come correct and ALWAYS put your best foot forward.

As I watched the presentation of the city of Newark, New Jersey in the Sundance documentary entitled “Brick City” I couldn’t help but feel like someone forgot about the concept of perception IS reality. The film’s 5 episodes failed to provide a full well rounded view of the city and instead focused on a lot of its negative aspects. My close friends, who are also positive products of “The Bricks”, were equally as disturbed by the city’s portrayal.  We discussed what was missing and how people will get the absolute wrong view of the city or confirm what they “thought” was true.  But actually that perception is completely and utterly dead wrong.

Now … Don’t get me wrong. The city is full of hood aspects of life and those things should be reflected in the short film. But that way of life is not the only way of life or even the prominent way people of the city live. Where’s the positivity? Where’s the joy? Where’s the beauty? I know it’s there. I wish the world could see it and perceive it like it really is.  And I had hoped the documentary would give the world a glimpse into that true essence of Newark.

I’ll leave you with a Dave Chappelle joke that’ll prove how important perception is.

[the below is a paraphrase ...]
A lady is appalled that men keep asking her for the goods. “Just because I have on a short skirt and my chest out doesn’t mean I’m a hoe” she says. “Well you coulda fooled me, you have on a hoe’s uniform” says a guy, “And it’s confusing”.  “How would you like it if you had an emergency and I had on a police officer’s uniform?  You’d think I was a cop right?”

Bottom line you are what people see and think you are. Show ‘em the good stuff first.

~ “Clark Kent does Superman’s dirty work”

Ladies, it’s hard out here to find a good man. Trust me, I’ve been looking. But in order to make it easier, I’ve compiled a list of the top 10 things I THINK you should look for when searching for that perfect man. These are in no particular order.

1. Observe how he treats his mother and/or primary guardian in his life. Any man that does not give a damn about the person that raised him will definitely not give a damn about you.
2. I would like to say make sure he has a job. However, with the economical downfall a job isn’t always guaranteed. I will say this, if he is jobless, make sure he isn’t always sitting on his ass and is actually working toward obtaining some type of income. If he’s lazy today, he’ll be lazy tomorrow.
3. If he has children, pay close attention to the relationship he has with his child’s mother. For me personally, I would not like my potential BF to be too close with his child’s mother, but I also don’t want the drama. A cordial relationship will always suffice when it comes to a baby mother/baby father relationship.
4. Make sure he takes care of that child in whatever capacity that may be. Everyone’s idea of tending to a child is different. So here please use your own judgment.
5. Cleanliness, cleanliness, cleanliness. This is pretty much self explanatory. Personal hygiene is extremely important. No one wants to lay in bed with a scuzz bucket.
6. Make sure he has goals and aspirations. Now a days, many people are becoming content on where they are in life and lose sight of the fact that there is more out there.
7. Not everyone is religious, but a man that believes in something is better than a man that believes in nothing.
8. Make sure his personality compliments yours. They say opposites attract; however, I do not feel this is always the case. Sometimes, finding that person that is like you can enhance the relationship. Just make sure that his personality is one you can deal with. You should be able to detect this early on.
9. Determine what it is he values. A lot of men value a bunch of bull shit. Like materialistic items, cars, clothes, sneakers, hats, and that’s fine. But if that’s all that he values, then it may become a problem later on.
10.  Lastly, where does he live. We all know I’m against living with your parents if you drive a flashy car and parade around in the clubs popping bottles and whatnot. But if you live at home with a plan and are saving money then it’s cool for that period of time.

I’m sure I’m missing a number of things that are also important. So please feel free to add on to the list and let us know what you look for when searching for your perfect man.

Most women can have platonic relationships with members of the opposite sex. Men on the other hand, well that’s a different story.  But why is that? Honestly, I don’t think there is any specific scientific explanation, just my own weird mental interpretation.

We all know men will pretty much stick their wang in anything halfway decent.  Should any SINGLE, straight man be presented with a sexual opportunity from his platonic female counterpart, chances are he will oblige. Think about it like this, no one of the opposite sex will spend a significant amount of time with another and not find that person remotely attractive. The fact that you are friends in the first place speaks volumes. There is something specific about that person that sparked the friendship. And I’m only speaking of how I view men. No single man will spend his free time with a woman he has no attraction for. Women for that matter will not spend their free time with a man that does not find them attractive. (It’s just a weird female thing)

For me, the majority of my platonic friends are from my childhood years. So should I meet a man now, the probability of us attempting to become just friends is kind of slim to none. How would we meet anyway? Most people that approach total strangers have the mindset of exactly what they THINK will come of that meeting. And I’m almost positive, that whether it’s male approaching female or vice versa, the intentions are not initially platonic. Make sense?

With that being said, I see it to be virtually impossible for a man to befriend a female, with no sexual intentions. Women on the other hand can enjoy a man’s perspective and outlook on certain aspects of life. Thus forming the platonic friendship. All too often, women place men into that dreaded friend zone because there is no “je nais se quoi,” so to speak. But when is that last time you heard of a man placing a woman in that category? I would say never because men can’t just be friends with women…

Are you truly happy in your relationship? On the outside all appears to be fine and dandy. Dinner is cooked, the house is maintained, conversations are held, and sex is had! But at the end of the day, are you 100% happy in that relationship? Most people I have asked have answered no. And those that answered yes, were married.

So what’s keeping you in that relationship? I’ve come to find out that many people stay in those types of relationships for their own personal gain or selfish reasons. In my personal opinion, it can be one of a few reasons.

1. Last year you and your mate broke up due to your own indiscretions. You were not happy in that relationship and decided to cheat. After a few months of you trying to get back together (because that’s what you thought was the right thing to do), your mate finally takes you back. Now in the back of your mind you were only trying to get back together because you knew you were initially wrong. Instead of being honest and coming clean to your mate about your unhappiness and lack of commitment for the other person, you string him/her along making it appear as if it’s all good. This is what’s called selfish.

2. You two met sophomore year in college. He is the popular football player, grades are average, he is goal oriented and has strong family values.   She is the envy of all the females on campus. She has the looks department on smash, straight A student, several internships, cooks, cleans and has a promising future.  After several years of dating, no public problems, and are now established in your careers, you become the “Good on Paper” couple. No matter what you go through, that fear of not finding the credentials that your current mate has outweighs everything else.  You’ll end up getting married, having children and then divorced by the time the kids are pre-teens.

3. Finally, let’s discuss the stable couple. This is the couple that has a provider. The man is knocking down 6 figures while the woman stays home and tends to her domestic duties.  Typically when one person provides for another, the control aspect comes into play.  For example, if I’m paying all the bills and providing all the necessities as well as luxuries that are required for you to live life, you will be obeying my every command. Not to say that’s the way it should be, but honestly, that’s the way it is.  The woman gets lazy and she rather deal with the man’s controlling ways, than get out of a miserable relationship and provide for her self.

At the end of the day, I am no ones dictator of what makes them happy or unhappy in their relationship. Some people are just happy to be in one. But judging by the divorce rates, many of them may just be lying to themselves and will eventually get fed up. Maybe it’s time for you to re-evaluate your relationship and ask yourself, “Am I truly happy?”

Periodically someone will ask me how to break up with their mate. Now I’m no rocket scientist, but there are a few precautions that need to be taken when it comes to the art of breaking up.

1. Do not use written correspondence. I understand this is the age of the technically advanced, but a text message, email, instant message, letter etc. are all inappropriate ways to break it off. Can you imagine waking up to a text that says something like, “Good Morning. Just an FYI, we’re thru.” What a bad day that’ll be.
2. Don’t just disappear. I’ve done it a few times and not that he was my man, but when I ran into him on the streets, it was kind of an open ended question for him. Its awkward when he says, “Yo, I’ve been looking for you. Where have you been?” Now I have the blank stare…
3. Please, please, please do not use the “Its not you, its me” line. Ughhh, Like what does that even mean?
4. Don’t be afraid to have that person mad at you for a while. You are breaking up. It’s not like you guys will be the best of friends immediately after. The whole lets just be friends thing doesn’t really work. No one wants to be friends with the jerk that broke their heart.
5. Do not attempt to break up after sex. That’s just trifling. Tryna get that last nut before it’s over. Hmpf!
6. They say honesty is the best policy; however, if you have to lie to make it easier, LIE. But make sure you have all the info to support that lie. You don’t want to get caught a few months down the line when you see your ex and he says, “I thought you were moving to Nova Scotia.”

Although I do not support breaks ups, sometimes they are necessary.  And in order to not turn your EX into damaged goods with all the breakup mumbo-jumbo, the easiest way to have a successful break up is to pick up the phone and say, “it’s over because I don’t love you anymore.” Hang up. Then change your number!!!

I would like to make my contribution to my blog family to provide some educational value to your life. I present to you “Safe Sex Sunday.”

Condoms are so important, but many of us (including the men) don’t know how to properly put them on. Now someone told me this video wasn’t 100%  accurate. But I think it is. Anyway, let me know what ya’ll think. Is there something missing?

My first thought would be to say hell yea it matters; however, a part of me would like to say that is doesn’t. But I think I’m going to follow my gut and say, yes size does matter. How much, you ask? Well that depends on a number of different things.

For the “relationship type” chick, size may not matter as much. She’s more so concerned with just being in the relationship that the necessities become secondary. This type of chick is immune to her partner’s defaults, such as size. She is so in love or blinded by the idea of the relationship, that realization of his penis being about the size of a first graders pinky finger becomes irrelevant. Love or the idea of being loved, can sometimes blind a chick from the things she truly needs to see.

For the “go with the flow chick” size is an important factor.  She isn’t looking for a relationship nor sex. She’s just letting things happen as they may.  But if the situation where to arise, size would definitely be important.  Because she has no real intentions with the dude, she’s at least hoping that this aspect of it will be on point.

I’m not going to really dabble into what the jump off expects. She is the number supporter of the large penis. Sex is all she is good for, so for her to stick around as the jump, it has to be worth her time.

For me, if it’s too small I really don’t care how well he’s stroking it, too small, is just too damn small. There is no way around that. No position, no pumps and for damn sure no pill is going to cure that. But if he’s too big, well, I’m not so sure I would want to do anything. Call me a punk, but I don’t want a super huge penis in me! But with most men, no matter what they may think about themselves, that’s never the case.

I did some internet browsing and found out that studies show that the average penis, while fully erect, is 6.5 inches in length. I don’t have a ruler or anything but that seems fairly accurate to me. Men on the other hand have some sort of weird mental complex that leads them to believe that their penis is god’s gift to the world and way larger that it is. I’m no expert or anything but you dudes really need to get it together. Stop acting like size does not matter.  Cause if it’s too small I’m OUT, I’ll just go buy one bigger!

Time and time again, I hear dudes boasting about how many times he made his chick “cum.” When the honest truth is 9 out of 10 times, he had nothing to do with it or she was faking. I think it has become second nature for chicks to fake orgasms. Either to stroke their man’s ego or simply because they do it so much they wouldn’t know a real orgasm if it came along and smacked them in the face.

How many of you men out there think that every time you and your girl have sex she reaches her climax? Let me answer that for you. 100% of you dummies. Men are too concerned with their own sexual pleasure, that they don’t take the time to explore their woman’s playground. Men, listen and listen closely, if it’s not on some jump off ish and it’s your girl, take some time and learn her body. I can guarantee she’ll appreciate it!

Truth be told, scientist indicate that many women can’t even have an orgasm during penetrative sex. This can classified as a part of Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD). Sounds serious, huh? It really isn’t, however, it can be if we continue faking these damn orgasms. Sex will become more of a chore and less of a pleasurable experience.  Explore your body, (by the way it is your body) and experiment SAFELY with your partner. Become familiar with the clitoral region first. This is the main source of a female’s orgasmic experience. Work your way up to the internal orgasm, meaning the Grafenberg Spot (G-Spot).

It’s crazy because more often than not, I hear men say, “She better get hers before I get mine.” What kind of childish bullshit is that? This isn’t a race! But what’s even crazier, is that these women out here allow their man to do that. So the men continue to do it. What if I got mine, rolled over, and left you with a stiff one? Not funny right! So why would you dudes possibly think it’s ok for you to do it?

Seriously tho, us ladies have to assist with getting our own pleasure. We have to stop allowing these men to think that their sex game is just that proper, when its not. Stop faking. Lay down the law and tell him what you want, how you want it, and when you want it! I want you ladies to be able to control your sexual pleasure become a master of achieving the big “O.”