As a woman I love pretty.  I love when I feel pretty, or when other things appear to be pretty.  As I start my weight loss journey, or as I restart, I try to think about what the actual goal is.  Is it to be healthier, or  just skinnier?  Is it for fashion or social hierarchy? Is it to raise my self esteem or impress others?  As I really evauluate what I want to gain from my loss…it is all of the above.  In search of inner happiness I must alter my image so that when I look in the mirror I actually feel something…pretty.

With that said, what can I do to look in the mirror and see a prettier me?  There are several steps that I have identified to accomplish this goal.  To begin we must take advantage of the information that is available and to end we must put into our bodies what we expect to get out of it.  Primarily the internet and secondarily magazines.  Shape, Fitness, Self, Allure and many other mags have articles on how to lose inches, pounds, wrinkles, and acne.  Most of these have the same cure. Simply change diet, and up the exercise.

I have found through extensive research that what makes me pretty in one place really makes me pretty all over.  For example we are encouraged to drink more water.  The doctor says eight glasses a day to be exact.  Drinking water not only promotes clear skin, but if used to replace sugary soft drinks and juices can help shed pounds as well.  Let’s take also the benefits of berry consumption.  Eating blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, and strawberries is a great way to get antioxidants in your system that zap free radicals in skin, which promote cell turn over and keeps your skin looking youthful. These same berries aid in reducing belly fat and are easy on the digestive system. Another example would be snacking on almonds.  Almonds are high in calories however several studies show that women on a diet lost more weight when eating almonds then woman on a diet who were not eating them.  Almonds are high in fiber and are very filling, not to mention a great source of protein.  They happen to be high in Vitamin E another anti-aging agent.

Daily exercise provides weight control.  Burning more calories than we eat will result in weight loss .  Cardiovascular activity will burn fat and strength training will raise our heart rate and build muscle.  Exercise also detoxifies the body by removing toxins and boosts circulation and nutrient delivery to the skin.  It increases blood flow which improves skin color and produces collagen which plumps the skin.

The bottom line is that there are many behaviors that promote overall health. Consuming Superfoods and working out can provide weight control, hair and nail growth, extra energy and glowing skin.  These are all the things that make women feel pretty. When you feel pretty you are pretty.  So when thinking of your weight loss plan, remember that we girls just want to feel pretty.  It makes the small choices a little easier and simplifies things.  Every step taken is a step toward beauty…one almond, blueberry, or glass of water at a time.

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In a media and technology driven world, society’s idea of beauty is force fed to us in large doses.  With the Rihanna’s, Nicky Minaj’s and Amber Rose’s of the world real women have a nearly impossible ideal to live up to.  How do these women have crystal clear skin, perky breasts, abs abnormal, and perfect bums to match? Moreover how can we be down!? As we all know many women that we see on television are living and breathing with cameras in their lives so it is in the interest of their careers to remain slender.  Still we wonder how do they do it, how do they stay so disciplined? How can we keep up with the Kardashians workout and eating habits?  Simply put, we cannot.

We cannot not age.  We cannot dedicate three hours a day to the gym.  We cannot survive on a diet of yogurt and green tea everyday.  We can try, but we cannot afford to do that longterm.  Mass media is training women to believe that they must stop the aging process somehow and that they must maintain perfect figures. Since this is not the easiest goal to accomplish there are many products sold to aide in the process. This is where financial gain becomes the driver and health takes the backseat.  It is in the best interest of retailers and wholesalers to convince young women that they should live up to these images. However with celebrities unlimited income, top of the line plastic surgery and photoshop/airbrushing the media is not playing fair!  Women are seeking unobtainable figures and comparing apples to oranges.  Retailers are right there to sell diet pills, gym and magazine subscriptions and anti-aging products.

Women should ignore this foolery and focus on recreating their current habits by using information that is at our fingertips to create a healthier lifestyle. This includes eating more natural foods and less processed foods.  This includes choosing water over soda and other sugar filled drinks.  This also includes exercising more to stay in shape and to keep the heart rate up.  Lastly this includes laying off the tobacco, and drinking more red wine and less harsh liquors.  As women our goal should be to sustain our bodies for the long road ahead of us.  By making better eating choices and being careful with our consumption as a whole we can come closer to perfection.  Will we come from curvaceous babes to the Victoria Beckham bod? Not likely. Will we notice a difference in our skin tone and overall figure? For sure. Stay tuned for my next article on fad diets and my weight loss journal coming to a blog near you.  Signing off Bonnie,  MissBonnieChung if your’re nasty!

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We live in a crazy, crazy, world, where everything and everyone is disposable and life in the fast lane is the norm. Values and Morals are almost extinct and you’re forced to either keep up or get left behind.

Long gone are the days of chivalry, long walks in the park and kissing after dark, marital bliss and hip hop love songs like “I Need Love”.  Today most marriages last under a year forget about monogamy and embrace ménage trois and swingers. Turn the dial to any radio station to hear our new love songs; such as “Birthday Sex” and “Neighbors Know My Name”.

How in the world is it possible to nurture a mature, loving, monogamous relationship when there are no rules, limitations or standards anymore? No holds barred and anything goes, what you won’t do, the next person will, what you won’t tolerate, someone else definitely will. It’s a given that no matter how disrespectful or degrading an individual’s actions may be, there is someone out there who’s neediness will outweigh their common sense to deal with it.

One doesn’t even have to leave the house anymore to cheat, just log on to your computer to indulge in voyeurism

Bobby Valemtino

or join in the fun if you’d like. Some take a more conservative approach and pick up the phone for a little sex texting, but your vaginal and penis flicks must be up to par before you shoot them over the World Wide Web to your curious participant. What part of the game is this? It’s a pre-requisite to see what someone is working with before you even get a dinner date,  there is definitely no art in that seduction.

Speaking of dinner dates, it used to be the norm for a guy to take you out on dates, it went like this… A guy would go above and beyond to pick out a nice impressive spot to wine and dine, sometimes a movie after or maybe a little dancing and it was called dating, somehow the name’s been changed to tricking… And NOBODY wants to be called a trick.

So let me get this straight, dudes don’t want to date anymore, paying for dinner and drinks is considering tricking, but sex tapes, threesomes and facebook ass shots are the norm. Ladies, you truly have the game F-ed up! And I say Ladies, because the ball is always in our court, the problem is, when some of y’all were sitting on the bench, you obviously weren’t watching the vets play the game.

The only pedestals that women are put on now are the Louboutins that we put on our feet so that we can look sexy for the men that place more values in their cars and bank accounts than stable, loving relationships. The sentiment is why settle for one woman when you can have two or three, and young ladies today seem to have no problem with sharing men and pursuing another woman’s’ husband. Respect is a thing of the past along with romance, chivalry and commitment.

New Pre-requisites for a Wife- Must know how to work a pole, if you can’t cook, make sure the other woman that will share your bed can, remember sharing is caring, and must be accepting of other children that will likely be born outside of household.

Life has become one long, distasteful BET after dark video and all I want to do is change the channel.  As a matter of fact, I don’t even want cable anymore!

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You say you want a woman that has her own, a fancy one, with hair done, nails done everything done, good credit, fly car, a house of her own and money in the bank. You want an independent thinker, with a mind of her own, who can buy her own bottles and isn’t afraid to be alone. That’s what you say you want, but can you really handle it?

Can you men really handle a woman that does not need you to be her captain save a ho? When a woman is self sufficient and doesn’t have to rely on a man for financial stability, the stakes are much higher, the expectations are much higher and the tolerance level is so much lower.

Its mind boggling, because as a woman, you may think that you possess all of the qualities that any man would want, but unfortunately most men aren’t ready for it. All women are emotional creatures and basically have similar needs and wants; however when a woman is needy and dependent, she is likely to tolerate more nonsense and accept more shortcomings, because she has to; she is dependent on this man to keep a roof over her and her kids head, to keep food in the refrigerator, keep her car on the road or maybe just for personal upkeep. Those needs justify a willingness to deal with issues such as disrespect, verbal or physical abuse, cheating, dishonesty, the list goes on.

A woman that is Self sufficient is less likely to tolerate the BS; hence the “You better come correct attitude” that you men can’t seem to deal with. Just think about this… If my needs from you as a man are NOT financial, but instead, emotional, spiritual and physical and you are unable to meet those needs or refuse to meet those needs, I am more likely to walk away, because my livelihood is not dependent upon you, I can pay my own bills, so kick rocks.

So Fellas,  Make sure your shit is together, your pride is in check  and you are ready to handle the woman that your asking for, because most women that have their own, have big egos and we can back it up.

Ladies Sing it -” Ego so big, You must admit,I got every reason,To feel like I’m that bitch”

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I Just Wanna Know… Is She Cute? 

By Just J of WillEyeListen.com

What’s the first thing a girl does when:
A) her guy cheats
B) her ex moves on to the next
C) her new guy reveals who his ex is…
…she checks to see if she’s cute or not!! And nothing makes a girl feel more confident, cuter or superior to the rest, than to see that the “other” chic doesn’t measure up to her idea of beauty.

As if personality can be measured in a photo, we insist our guy could have done so much better than a girl we think is ugly. Naïve yes, but most, if not, all women do it. And truth be told, guys do too.

I once had a guy, who saw a guy I was dating (thanks to facebook), tell me that I could do better. He even had the nerve to believe HE was the better. After I had to kill him with, “you could never measure up to the man he was five years ago, let alone the man he is today,” he just looked stupid. Like who do you think you are to think you are better than the next cuz you got a prettier face? I love to quote geniuses and a profound quote comes from the song Shoop (wink), “… If looks could kill you would be an oozie..” But honey, they don’t kill, so you’re just regular… old you.

I love to sit at my grandmom’s house and listen to old stories about her youth; especially the ones where she insists that the “other” chic wasn’t ugly, but oooogly. To see a 70+ year old woman grimace at the thought of how unattractive the chic of one of her beaus was, is pure comedy. “I dunno how he could date her when I couldn’t even stand looking at her.” Lol. This just reassures me that this ancient tradition will forever live on: if she’s ugly, you’ll sleep better at night. Which translates into present time as: there’s no better boost than to search thru facebook, find “her” photo and laugh.

So even though you can’t judge the book by the cover… we’ll all continue to judge the book by the cover… ain’t like you ever plan on reading it anyway *shrugs*

SB: I call a spade a spade and give credit where credit is due… So it doesn’t matter if you think she’s attractive or not… he does…EYEListen

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Are romantic relationships still in existence? I mean the type of relationships where romance actually exsis. Or have we become so overtly over-sexual that romance has disappeared?

Ladies, when is the last time a man actively pursued you in a romantic manner, versus vying for sexual affection from the jump. For me, it’s been a minute. Yes, men pursue me, and regularly. However, it’s more of a “ma you’re sexy as hell” thing and not a “sweep me off my feet with sweet nothings” thing. I’ve noticed that while in the pursuit of a woman, men often jump straight for the jugular (i.e. SEX). Why not take the time to provide that necessary element of ‘wooing’ which could possibly lead to the underlying intention sooner.

 Men say why romance a broad and lead her on to believe some false fantasy. Regardless of what the initial intentions or actions may be, inevitably, it is understood what one party imagines the outcome to be. Whether it be sex, love, marriage or a monetary come up, someone has an idea of what they want to come of this meeting. Point being that the aspect of romance will further you to that outcome.

 But has any female in this generation even experienced real romance? Not the “call your cell phone, say I’m outside, take you on a date, open a couple of doors, romance” but the “get out of the car, ring your door bell with flowers in hand, open the car door, kiss your hand, dedicate a song to you” type of romance.  Let me answer, we haven’t experienced it. We’ve been conditioned to think of the man that brings flowers to you on a date or that open car doors, as a loser. Well not me, not any more. I am welcoming romance with open arms.

 Now when I discussed this topic with a few friends of mine, an interesting point was raised. Why can’t a woman romance a man? Not even thinking, I answered with some unorthodox answer as to why it isn’t possible. Later on I began to ponder on a reason as to why women can’t romance a man, and I was unable to think of a reason. So next man I meet, I’m going to romance that ass! Seriously.

 So let’s bring romance back, like door knocker earring, aviator shades, and the ‘salt n pepa’ hair cut. Hell if all of those thing can make a come back, so can romance!

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Listen up people. I’ve spent the past few weeks listening to people bash and hate on Lebron James for choosing to play with some friends, who also happen to be great players. Whether you agree with his decision or not there’s something bigger to be learned from what he did. A life lesson if you may. Now I’m sure a lot of you are wondering what life lesson can be learned by Lebron “choosing to take his talents to South Beach”. But there is one. So hear me out … Well here it is folks.

Life is hard. Some call it a b*tch, some call it a motherf*$er. The one thing people seem to forget is that life is mostly a team sport.  (here comes the life lesson) …  So choose your team and teammates very wisely.   And that’s EXACTLY what Lebron James did. He chose his teammates very wisely. And the people who tend to succeed the most in life are the one’s who realize this and capitalize off of it. We all want to be the superhero and do things ourselves and carry all the load. I even live by the mantra “You’re born alone, you die alone, and you walk alone“. I almost got it tatted on my chest until I sobered my a$$ up and realized that isn’t all the way true.

What we need to do is be realistic.   And I mean all the way realistic.  Be objective and think clearly.  Like we have money to blow, not a care in the world, but that this decision can make or break us.  Because it often does.  The most meaninful things in life require teamwork. We CAN’T do everything alone (And in most cases we shouldn’t). You might want to and if you’re hard-headed like me, you may even try. But you’ll soon learn the hard way and fail as I have when I was younger.   You grow up after some failures and learn that it takes a team. You don’t believe me??  I figured you might not.  So I have a couple of things I bet you can’t do alone.

How about this … Go ahead try to have a baby alone or try to get married by your lonesome.  Not possible right? No one can do those things alone.  I mean … a lot of our mothers raise kids alone. But it started off as a team thing and that’s not very ideal to raise kids alone.   Now if more women pulled a Lebron and chose better teammates (baby daddies) we might have more happy endings and less mothers struggling.  And if people took the time to think about their husbands/wives as teammates instead of how good they look or how great their sex is maybe they’d take their talents to South Beach too, instead of saying “I Do”.

We tend not to complain as much if our teammates/friends are pulling their weight and just as good as us. You know when people complain? When we feel or think we are better or if we feel like we’re doing more than who we’re dealing with.

And I don’t know about you reading this. But my team is solid. I’ve got a bunch of D. Wade’s & Chris Bosh’s on my side ready to go to war with me. And that’s in everything I do. I chose my teammates wisely and every now and then I even take my talents to South Beach too.  Try it sometimes.  Makes life a whole lot easier.   See you in South Beach Lebron!! (and whoever else decides to choose their teammates wisely too).

“Do better because you know better and because you are better.”

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I haven’t written anything in a while and I would like to apologize to the few people that have asked me where I have been. It’s an extremely hard task to keep you entertained and informed on a daily basis, while working my aggravating ass 9 to 5. Nevertheless, I am back and hopefully you guys accept my apology! But what I want to talk about is casual dating. I’ve noticed that this is something that is almost impossible to do. So we must dissect this situation in order to properly attempt the casual date.

 When two people ‘casually’ date, or more so date without the exclusive title, things become sticky and complicated.  Especially, when you see each other and spend time on a regular basis. Feelings arise and in the end someone will get hurt. What we have to remember when we casually date is NOT get too close to someone and keep your options open. This is especially a female trait. We tend to think as soon as you get close to a guy, you’ll be his girlfriend. Which is almost never the case. Like the old saying goes, “Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?”  

 Ladies we are partially responsible for putting up with certain things and believing that we are in a relationship, when we aren’t. Chicks go around talking about my man this and my man that, while dude just thinks of you as another notch on his belt. But it’s not just our fault. Dudes you have to stop making these females think that she’ll be your wife one day and filling her head with all the right things when you don’t mean them. For example, my homeboy is constantly telling a chick he’s dating that he’ll be ready for a relationship real soon. Never once has he said to her that she’ll be the other person in that relationship. So I asked my homeboy, “why do you keep telling her that.” This fool had the nerve to say, ‘cause she gives good head.” I wanted to tell ‘ole girl so bad to stop braining him, but it really doesn’t concern me.

 And although, we all know that everyone that casually dates isn’t like this, I can guarantee that most of us have been in similar situations. So here’s how to protect yourself from any unnecessary ‘casual’ dating harm.

-Make sure all intentions are clearly disclosed. If it’s a jump off situation, fine! As long as you know what it is.

-If you decide you no longer want to casually date and want a commitment or want to leave, let the other person know. There’s nothing worst than continuing to let feelings escalate.

-If the person has let you know there will never be anything more, make EVERY attempt to leave your feelings at the door. If not, get out ASAP!

-Make sure you always have other options on stash. My opinion, dating is like basketball. You want to definitely have your starting 5 and maybe even a few bench players. Keep that rotation flowing.

-Never elect more time to one over the other. By giving that one person too much of your time it’ll end up going one of two ways. He’ll either get tired of you or he’ll become a crazy stalker that chooses to believe every second you’re not with him, your with someone else (which is probably true).  

 I’m sure I forgot plenty, but these are definitely the essentials. I just made casual dating easy, no commitment necessary!

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Dear Soldier Boy (yes I spelled it phonetically correct).

Please don’t take this as a diss letter because this is certainly not that.  But while channel surfing through the music video channels (something I often do), I ran across your new “hit” … PRETTY BOY SWAG.

Being that you’re a grown man now, a year away from being able to legally drink (Even though I’m sure you’ve already had more Rozay than Ricky Ross has had sandwiches), AND you’ve been rapping on the big stage for the past 4+ years … I would have expected you to have perfected your craft as much as you think you’ve perfected your swag or your ability to get new tats.  (Weezy done started some mess)

How do I say this without coming across as a hater??  Soulja Boy … DeAndre … homie … young brother … YOU ARE BEAT DEAF!!!  I haven’t heard a mainstream rapper so beat deaf and rapping so off beat since Master P’s little brother Silkk The Shocker.  And Silkk never heard a beat he could actually rap to.  And as a fan of hip hop, as a fan of music period … It’s f^&*ing brutal son !!

I mean, one minute I’m trying to catch the beat and give the song a chance and rock to it and the next minute my face is scrunched up wondering what the hell you’re talking about and why you can’t keep up with the beat.  I mean the beat to Pretty Boy Swag isn’t exactly that hard to keep up with.  It’s not going that fast … O_o

Seriously though Soulja Boy … I’m not trying to diss.  I respect your hustle, your grind, and your superb ability to market yourself.  You get paid to tweet for goodness sakes.  What that means for all of you who don’t understand the concept, is that Soulja Boy gets paid to share his thoughts no matter what they may be any time he feels like sharing them.  And the reason they pay you is because you have such a huge following and you brought yourself from nothing to something as a young teen.  You changed the face of music.  Got us all dancing again even when we didn’t feel like it.  When you were an early teen it was aight for you to “Superman that hoe”.  But as an adult I’m gonna need some more substance from you.  Something with some depth.  If you need help ask Weezy or Bow Wow.  They made the successful transition from child rapper to adult rapper.  I’ll even cc them on this letter if it’ll help me help you.

Being a huge music fan I’d just like to see you improve (A LOT).  I just want to see your skill to match your immense fame.  You don’t hear too many people complaining that Jay-Z is too famous or that Weezy gets too much attention.  You want to know why????  Cmon you know why.  But if you need to hear me say it …….. It’s because they are actually good at what they do!!  It’s their craft, their skill.  While you lil homie are not.

All you have to do fix that,  is learn to rap about something, anything, PLEASE!  And of course stay on beat (that may be more important to me than you actually having substance).  Then you might just really have that “pretty boy swag”.

Until then your music will just remain … PRETTY. DAMN. WACK.

Word Clark? … Word.

For those of you who think I’m too harsh here’s the video to “Pretty Boy Swag”.  Either enjoy it or see why I had to write this letter to Soulja Boy Tellem.

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Periodically someone will ask me how to break up with their mate. Now I’m no rocket scientist, but there are a few precautions that need to be taken when it comes to the art of breaking up.

1. Do not use written correspondence. I understand this is the age of the technically advanced, but a text message, email, instant message, letter etc. are all inappropriate ways to break it off. Can you imagine waking up to a text that says something like, “Good Morning. Just an FYI, we’re thru.” What a bad day that’ll be.
2. Don’t just disappear. I’ve done it a few times and not that he was my man, but when I ran into him on the streets, it was kind of an open ended question for him. Its awkward when he says, “Yo, I’ve been looking for you. Where have you been?” Now I have the blank stare…
3. Please, please, please do not use the “Its not you, its me” line. Ughhh, Like what does that even mean?
4. Don’t be afraid to have that person mad at you for a while. You are breaking up. It’s not like you guys will be the best of friends immediately after. The whole lets just be friends thing doesn’t really work. No one wants to be friends with the jerk that broke their heart.
5. Do not attempt to break up after sex. That’s just trifling. Tryna get that last nut before it’s over. Hmpf!
6. They say honesty is the best policy; however, if you have to lie to make it easier, LIE. But make sure you have all the info to support that lie. You don’t want to get caught a few months down the line when you see your ex and he says, “I thought you were moving to Nova Scotia.”

Although I do not support breaks ups, sometimes they are necessary.  And in order to not turn your EX into damaged goods with all the breakup mumbo-jumbo, the easiest way to have a successful break up is to pick up the phone and say, “it’s over because I don’t love you anymore.” Hang up. Then change your number!!!

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Are you truly happy in your relationship? On the outside all appears to be fine and dandy. Dinner is cooked, the house is maintained, conversations are held, and sex is had! But at the end of the day, are you 100% happy in that relationship? Most people I have asked have answered no. And those that answered yes, were married.

So what’s keeping you in that relationship? I’ve come to find out that many people stay in those types of relationships for their own personal gain or selfish reasons. In my personal opinion, it can be one of a few reasons.

1. Last year you and your mate broke up due to your own indiscretions. You were not happy in that relationship and decided to cheat. After a few months of you trying to get back together (because that’s what you thought was the right thing to do), your mate finally takes you back. Now in the back of your mind you were only trying to get back together because you knew you were initially wrong. Instead of being honest and coming clean to your mate about your unhappiness and lack of commitment for the other person, you string him/her along making it appear as if it’s all good. This is what’s called selfish.

2. You two met sophomore year in college. He is the popular football player, grades are average, he is goal oriented and has strong family values.   She is the envy of all the females on campus. She has the looks department on smash, straight A student, several internships, cooks, cleans and has a promising future.  After several years of dating, no public problems, and are now established in your careers, you become the “Good on Paper” couple. No matter what you go through, that fear of not finding the credentials that your current mate has outweighs everything else.  You’ll end up getting married, having children and then divorced by the time the kids are pre-teens.

3. Finally, let’s discuss the stable couple. This is the couple that has a provider. The man is knocking down 6 figures while the woman stays home and tends to her domestic duties.  Typically when one person provides for another, the control aspect comes into play.  For example, if I’m paying all the bills and providing all the necessities as well as luxuries that are required for you to live life, you will be obeying my every command. Not to say that’s the way it should be, but honestly, that’s the way it is.  The woman gets lazy and she rather deal with the man’s controlling ways, than get out of a miserable relationship and provide for her self.

At the end of the day, I am no ones dictator of what makes them happy or unhappy in their relationship. Some people are just happy to be in one. But judging by the divorce rates, many of them may just be lying to themselves and will eventually get fed up. Maybe it’s time for you to re-evaluate your relationship and ask yourself, “Am I truly happy?”

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I’m a thinker, a debater and analyst and I’m going to pretend I’m a child right now and ask all the questions that I want without worrying about being politically correct or polite!  Am I the only one that asks myself these questions?  Let me know or maybe you’ll find offense to something that is relative to you, in which case, self reflection may be necessary, because change is a good thing!

Why do men put so much emphasis on material possessions such as cars, weigh themselves down with jewels, make it their business to pull out  huge knots of money in front of you and pop bottles of french champagne that they probably don’t even like,  just to say ”bitches and shit, but ho’s and tricks and call all women gold diggers??? Why are you putting your net worth on display to attract a woman if you don’t want a woman to want you for your money? I’m a bit confused, aren’t you ladies?

Why do women go out the house in lingerie looking like they just came off of a Maxim photo shoot with every body part exposed and then get upset when dudes are gawking and commenting on how fat that  @$$  is??  Uuumm  Why else are you half nude if you don’t want to be noticed?

Why do men complain about child support, but never want to use a condomn???NOW THAT IS SO DAMN NASTY AND TRIFLING!  Not only do you have to worry about about a baby that you can’t afford, but what about the tons of STD’s out there, aside from HIV AIDS???

Speaking of child support, why do men worry about what a woman is doing with that court ordered $50 a month?? If your child is being well taken care of, has a roof over their head and all of their needs are  provided for, don’t worry about what the hell your child’s mother is using the money for, she’s obviusly taking care of your most precious asset, so respect her and bring some more money to the table to help her out some more!  

Why do women turn their noses up to strippers??  It’s an honest living, their not depending on a monthly check and it’s legal, so what the hell is your gripe? There not coming to anyone’s door luring their men out of the house to the bank to get singles and then to the club… Hmmm, I think the gripe is with the wrong person…

Why do women still think that having a baby will keep a man, women have been trying this trick for ages and it still doesn’t work! The only person that your tricking is yourself, because when a man is ready to leave, he’s gone and guess who’s stuck with the bulk of the responsibility, while he moves on to his next happily ever after!

Why do women have  babies with every dude that tells her he loves her??? Stop it! you didn’t learn after the second baby? Love isn’t enough to support and take care of a child so stop bringing  babies  into the world that you can’t feed and if your relying on child support or government assistance than that means you CAN’T Afford to have them!  I know someone reading this is mad right now, truth hurts!  While we’re at  it why would you have a baby by someone that has multiple children by multiple women and isn’t taking care of the ones that he has already?  Get your mind Right!

Why aren’t we holding off till marriage to have babies anymore? If a man is willing to lay down with you and make  a child with you then he should be willing to make you his wife  and for the men, you shouldn’t be making babies with anyone whom you wouldn’t want to make your wife… Children are a bigger committment than marriage for those they don’t know…

Why do people hate on a person that has their shit together??? Why are you hating, let their success be your motivation, stop worrying about the next person and get out and get yours!!

Would the White Women that pro Athletes date still want that athlete if they were just a regular dude in the hood? 

Why do straight men get so angry at homosexual men??? Why are you upset, he’s not trying to get at your woman? 

Think about it… If you have any questions that you’ve been pondering over, shoot them over to us!

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The Best Lesson that my mother could have ever taught me was to be independent and self sufficient. It’s great to have someone in your life to take care of you, but it’s just as important to be able to take care of yourself.

Besides, being independent is a sexy turn on to men! As Neyo said, “I love her cuz she got her own”.

I know that we’re in a recession and and times are rough, in fact more and more adults are finding themselves back at home with their parents due to the economy and lack of job opportunities, but there are still some things that every woman should have on her road to adulthood and independence! Actually this could apply to men too, but I’m speaking to my Ladies!

1. Checking Account- It’s a must! Open one as soon as you have a decent amount of money to deposit and as soon as you obtain a job; sign up for direct deposit and your hard earned dollars will go directly into your account. If your a grown woman and your going to a check cashing place, then you definitely need to check yourself and get it together, period! Part B  of this is to save, save, save!  Part C is to always pay your bills on time, because good credit is essential, but we’ll discuss Finances and Credit on a later date.

2. Birth Control- Be in charge of your own body, Do not rely on someone else to determine your fate. A condemn is always a must, but make sure that you have a backup as well, there are so many options available that there are absolutely no excuses for unwanted and unplanned pregnancies. Lets’ not forget about STD’s! Don’t be a statistic!

3. Drivers Licence- I started to say a car, but like I said, I know that times are rough, but at the very least every women over the age of 17 should be able to drive and have a valid driving licence, if you to ask why, than you shouldn’t even be reading this.

4. College Education- I don’t know what anyone else’ parents are teaching them, but in my house it was a must and for my own children its a must, so I will pass this jewel on to you. Education is the key to success, I’m sure that you’ve all heard it a million times before, but an education will open the door to a wealth of opportunities, travel and experiences. Why would anyone want to miss out on an opportunity to get a four year vacation away from their parents before entering the real world??

5. Learn to Cook- OK so learning to cook serves a dual purpose. Everyone should be able to cook themselves a small meal, but ladies let me tell you, throwing down in the kitchen is just as important as throwing down in the bedroom. Add some value to your self portfolio, any woman can spread their legs, but if you can throw together some penne a la vodka or some braised ribs, mac and cheese and yams, your saying something and your raising your stock, trust me!

Remember that in order for any woman to prepare a herself for a healthy, loving relationship, she must first have a healthy loving relationship with herself; never expect a man to do for you what you cannot do for yourself!

Happy Growing Ladies, Until next time  XOXO

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Apparently Chad Ochocinco’s new VH1 show, “The Ultimate Catch” is causing an uproar among black women, because of Chads apparent preference over let’s just say the lightest skinned woman. I don’t know what so shocking or appalling, he’s an athlete right? Just saying…

Well Ochocinco is in touch with his fans and an avid tweeter so he definitely got an earful from some disgruntled ebony beauties and he took to “Global Grind” blog to respond”

Here’s a a little taste of his response…

“As a kid growing up, I developed a strong sense of self-worth from the incredible women in my life, all of whom were black.  I am the man who I am today because of black women, and I am forever grateful for the values and strength they instilled in me.  With all that being said, I was surprised by all of hate that I got from the decisions that were made on the first episode of my reality show Sunday night.  The next day, when I went on twitter and saw a lot people talking about how I didn’t pick enough black women or how they weren’t cute or I picked them all at the end…it made my stomach turn.   Look….if my mama and my grandmama, the two women who raised me, ain’t got a problem with the women I choose in life, no matter what race they are, then it shouldn’t be a problem to anyone.  Bottom line is that I love black women.  I got four beautiful children and their mother is black.

And my response is, Chad you need more people; OK so the mother of your children is a black woman, but did you put a ring on it?  I believe in dating whomever makes you happy; however when your preference happens to be that other than your own race, that is a problem, some call it self hate…

On another note, your pretty damn sexy!

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I was speaking with my dad last night about his reaction to Lebron’s decision to leave Cleveland in route to Miami and he was adamant that Lebron left due to the alleged affair between Lebron’s mother Gloria and former teammate Delonte West. I thought about the reaction that the alleged incident caused and how Lebron may have felt and I realize that the controversy was less about Gloria’s age, but more about the inappropriateness of her being Lebron’s mother. The reality of it is,  no one wants to think about anyone wanting  to sex or actually bending over their precious mommy.

It’s quite ironic that the ideal mother is lumped into this nurturing, wholesome, 3/4ths covered Betty Crocker role, because if we weren’t dropping it and sexing like pros, there would be no hip hop or NBA…I’m definitely not condoning the over sexed, over botoxed, under clothed, self proclaimed cougars who prey on the young and meek, but I am celebrating all of the sexy, beautiful mothers, with great genes, tight jeans and a pretty face! 

Ladies it’s perfectly ok for us to still feel sexy, look sexy and  enjoy the attention that it brings, as long as we respect ourselves, our partners and our children.

Cheers to all of the MILF’s, we make the world go round, notice  I said we, well that’s what I’ve been told…I join the ranks of some beautiful mama’s, take a look!

Nahla’s mommy, Ms. Berry is always picture perfect!

Lauren London just recently joined the MILF ranks thanks to Weezy!

Mel B. Showed Eddie what kind of “Spice Girl” she was and now they have a daughter together!

Nicole Murphy preserved her sexy after  five children with ex hubby Eddie Murphy

Christina Milian may be going through a nightmare right now, but her husband, “The Dream” is sure to miss that fab body!

Lisa Raye has a grown daughter, but she can still play Diamond!

All the men still Jones for Nia Long!

Carmelo Anthony put a ring on his MILF Lala Vasquez!

It may have been cheaper for Nas to keep his former milkshake hunny Kelis

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Mashonda is a free woman and wants the world to know that she’s a separate person from Swizz and Alicia who wants her own identity outside of the scorned ex wife in the Swizz Beatz, Alicia Keys love triangle.

Vibe followed Mashonda for a day and chronicled it through photos earlier in the week and now they have followed up with a full disclosure 2 part interview. Mashonda shares her darkest moments leading her to the present, as a divorced, single mother.

Mashonda is adjusting, happy and focusing on her career and son, with a new man on her arm , she’s open to love again and looking forward to what the future holds.

For full interview , check out   Vibe.com

Here’s an Excerpt

Vibe- “When did you feel you could comfortably date again?”
Mashonda-”I had to be fully divorced before anything because it was important to show my son that that’s just not how you do it. You’re not going to do this to your wife… over my dead body are you going to do this to your wife. If you don’t want to be with her, you wait until your shit is right, [then] you do all your public stuff. That was really important for me to [be] an example for him. So I waited. It wasn’t really an interest of mine to date anyways. I just really wanted to figure out me and my next move because I was so confused and hurt. If you’re not complete with yourself there is no way you can be complete in a relationship. But now I’m in a really good place, and I only mess with positive people. I will not entertain negativity.”

Vibe-”You were with Swizz for ten years, married for four, is it weird being with a man that isn’t your ex-husband?”
Mashonda-”It is definitely weird. The first time I went on a date with somebody, I cried. It was like ‘Oh my God.’ I didn’t even know how to talk to another man. It was just weird being there, but I knew it was something I had to do, a part of moving on. Thank God I’ve been blessed to deal with only good, educated, sensitive men. God will send the right person for me. [Right now] my son is my number one man.”

For those like myself that thought of Mashonda as just Swizzy’s wife, check her resume. This talented songwriter has penned her share of hooks and hits.

Eve “Gotta Man”

Eve- “Love Is Blind”

Eve- “Gotta Man”

Jay- “Girls Best Friend

Mya- “Best of Me”

Mashonda and new beau, producer Michael Honablue

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There is nothing better than a juicy, page turning, novel or tell all while lying on a beach, at the pool or island vacay. Escapism through reading is one of the best ways to distress and Aliya S. King’s new “fiction” novel is the perfect medicine for the summer blues or boredom.

“Platinum is an engrossing tale that borders the fences of non fiction and leaves readers guessing about who’s, who in the character maze of hip-hop artists, wives, girlfriends, groupies, and video vixens.

The perfect ingredients for a best selling recipe for the thriving hip hop and celebrity obsessed society that we live in, “Platinum” is a must read, pick it up!

Mashonda Mashonda Tifrere; ex wife of Swizz Beatz and Tashera Simmons; wife of DMX attended the “Platinum” book release party at Bo Concepts in NYC.  Author, Aliya S. King pictured in the middle.

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Nope, I’m not talking about arson either. Whether the kitchen, the bedroom, the car or depending on how far ya imagination can travel, any random space room enough for a 2 minute quickie… if it resulted in someone burning you, how do you handle it??  I heard on some commercial that 50% of those engaging in sex before 25 (15 to 24 according to them) will contract an STD. And I’m proud to say I’m 25 and on the smiley side end of that statistic. But what about that miserable 50 percent? How exactly do they handle this situation??

One of them did it: I don’t want to call you a hoe, but for lack of better terms, you’re a hoe if you don’t know who gave you the itching, burning, crab-ing, outbreaking, curable or not so curable disease during sexual intercourse. You might want to bring your body count to a complete halt until you can space em out enough to figure out which of those nasty broads or dirtbag rascals gave you an STD. (Maybe I’m naïve but I still can’t figure out how these chics bring 2 or 3 guys on Maury and NONE of them are the father… Each guy should look at each other and race to the clinic).
So how do you handle it: well whether you blame the last one or the last 10, you might want to do yourself a favor and strap up or join a convent cause you LOSE at this “sport”!!

My boo gonna kill me: so you cheated… Only once and it really was the heat of the moment. But this crime came with its own punishment. Now don’t go running in the side piece’s crib at 4am waving a pistol. Swing my Karmas house instead and shout, “OK you caught that.”
So how do you handle it: like a grown up and call the culprit up and warn them to get themselves checked out. Now if you had sex with ya own boo before realizing you were infected, you might want to sit down and fess up. I mean c’mon, you played in the mud, and you got dirty…

I haven’t sexed anybody else: you’ve been on the straight and narrow. And keep it funky, ya boo put it on you sooo good, you have no reason to stray. But something ain’t right if you believe you’re the one and only to your one and only but you got this odor coming from ya pee that has killed plants outside your bathroom window.
So how do you handle it: Whether you go stampeding into the room they’re in or send them a message on fb, you have got to confront them!! Shit, you might even want to break up after this careless mess. Its one thing if ya boo cheats, but when he/she bringing home infidelities packaged in a box labeled STD, the relationship just stamped itself VOID!!

STDs really really are preventable. And I’d rather you hate using a condom but then chalk it up and use one… than to hate burning and end up sitting in a cold @$$ doctors room confessing to the doc like you’re telling him something new… “Doc, that dirty broad burned me…” Maybe so, but you lit the match and pointed at ya di… EYEListen.

SB: STDs have been around since the earliest times (arguable by scholars and medical historians but dammit STDs have been around a hell of a long time).  Yet they are still prevalent and are increasing in incidents over certain populations and in certain geographic regions.  Please take preventative measures!  I know, I know, you like making the pharmaceutical companies rich but monogamy or even better abstinence are free!!

By Just J of WillEYEListen.com

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What is it about men and their awkwardly unconscious questions? Men tend to ask the one thing you were attempting to avoid. So in order to assist the men and help them dodge a henny and coke being splashed in their face, I have compiled a list of things men should never ask a woman. So for the sake of all things sacred, please read and comprehend these things. Then thank me later!!

CMON SON! PEEP CLARK KENT’S RESPONSE TO LOIS IN RED

Come on now Lois. All things asked don’t mean we should get a coke splashed in our faces.

How much do you weight/what size do you wear… Anything involving the size of a woman is pretty much off limits. And really, it’s none of your damn business that I squeeze into jeans that are 2 sizes too small. So don’t ask about it dammit.

Don’t be that way Lois. Ain’t nothing off limits if we’re past the begining stages of dating. Maybe we were going to buy you an outfit in the future and needed to know what size you wear. Or maybe we’re trying aviod the all so famous “do I look fat in the jeans?” If I know your right size we can just switch out your jeans with the proper size to avoid this question, lol

Is it that time of the month… What the hell is that supposed to mean? Let men tell it, every time a female shows a little emotion she must be menstruating. Just because I over emotionalize doesn’t necessarily mean my uterus is shedding. Maybe it’s you. Maybe all the passion and emotions are as a result of the dumb shit that men do. Ever thought about that? (not to sound like a feminist, although I may be skating on thin ice)

You’re definitely on thin ice Lois! As many times as I saved your a$$ when I wear my superman costume … you ungrateful little … oh wait, I think I’m on thin ice now, lol. No seriously. We need to ask this so that we know how to approach you. If you are acting extra emtional and you’re on the “cycle” then you get a pass. But if you’re losing your mind and your Aunt Flo isn’t in the building you best be explaining yourself Lois!

Was that as good for you as it was for me… Anything other than sleep or a sandwich post sex is so unnecessary, especially talking. No one wants to recap the nightly sex-capade and all its sweaty details. If it was good for me, trust me, you’ll know. **wink**

Can’t argue with this one at all Lois. Matter of fact can you make me a sandwich please?! Go light on the mayo … lol

How many sexual partners have you had… I believe this question should only be answered if it’s asked by your doctor. Plain and simple, you may not like the answer. It may be too many and you’ll think I’m a whore. It may be too little and you’ll think I’m a boring, stuck up, bougie bitch. Either way, some things are better left unsaid. As long as those test results are clean and the condom is on, the number is unimportant.

I’m not a doctor but I play one on TV. hahaha. Actually this question only really matters if we’re attempting to take the next step and be in a serious relationship. Otherwise I hope your bra and panties match cuz we’re doing too much talking and not nearly enough getting it in! Oh yeah … I still want that sandwich Lois!

Is that your real… hair, nails, eyes, eyelashes etc. You get the point. What if I asked you was your dick real? Offended I bet. Women take time to look good for the fellas. We have high standards to live up too. Chances are, the very women most men fantasize about are 75% fake. Sometimes we get lost in those things. However, if all the fakery is done right and in moderation, there should be no issues.

Hold on Lois! You mean to tell me you’ve got those booty implants like Nicki Minaj?! Hmnnn .. lol. But why shouldn’t we be allowed to know what is natural and what’s not? What if you did ask if my dick was real? I wouldn’t care I am the man of steel. And if it were fake I think you’d have the right to know. How would you like it if we went on a date and you found out my Visa card was fake, pretty offended right? I agree, moderation is cool but we should try to keep it as real as possible when we can.

by the way … I still don’t have that sandwich woman!! (just kidding) … LOL

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Today I feel the need to vent, so please don’t mind me.

I am tired of these wack ass dudes coming up to me on the street or anywhere for that matter, saying a bunch of bullshit like, “Yo Ma wassup?” For one, I’m not your mother. And for two, should I be impressed by that statement?  Let me explain. Today this guy approaches me and starts off well. He immediately goes straight for a compliment about the watch I was wearing, which was nice of him, especially because it wasn’t about my looks. He then goes on to ask if I had a man. I politely answer yes (which is a lie for the most part). Then out of nowhere comes the ignorance that I expected from the jump. “Yo shawty fuck ya man,” and blah, blah, blah. After that, I ignored the hell out of him, finished my purchase and sped out of that parking lot.

So why is it that as soon as a chick reveals she has a man or appears to be uninterested, dudes have to jump for the jugular? One guy I know broke it down to me like this, he said ‘the more disrespectful he is to you or in reference to your man, the better he feels about the rejection he just faced.’ But isn’t rejection a part of life? You can’t just go around cursing out everyone that rejects you. So I’ve come up with a few sure fire ways to play down the rejection or at least camouflage the fact that you were even trying to holler at all.

 -Using a compliment as the opening line is a great way to break the ice. But try an out of the ordinary compliment, not something you think she may hear everyday.

-Be as polite as possible, even if you’re only interested in some jump off action. The nicer you are the easier it’ll be to get her number or head to the bed room.

-Strike a conversation. Nothing too extreme, just general conversation maybe about your surrounds. But make sure that whatever you ask is open ended. Give her an opportunity to answer and engage in the convo.

-DON’T be pushy. If she’s interested you’ll know.

 There are probably many more that’ll soften the blow of rejection that my mind has blocked out. But when they come to me I’ll begin preparation on part 2…

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Is oral sex overrated? So I was doing my usual daily youtube rounds and came across this interview of Slim Thug and Angela Yee. Slim Thug begins to tell the world how he’s not really a fan of getting head (around the 2 minute mark). Now I’m thinking what man, gay or straight for that matter, doesn’t like to get his knob slobbed? Slim went on to say that most of the time he goes soft and there were very few times that he actually ejaculated as a result. Now I’m thinking to my self WTF, home girl must not be doing it right, but then I began to further investigate and evaluate why this may be.

 So I asked approximately 10 men their views on oral sex. And surprisingly 6 of the 10 said that oral sex is overrated. I was taken aback by that. The #1 supporting argument from them was that IT DOES NOT MAKE THEM CUM!!!!! Now although that may be a valid argument, I had to ask, “it does still feel good, right?” And the majority said yes it feels good; however, the synopsis was more like it’s an ongoing, pointless argument. It’s never going to end, so what’s the point? The more I talked to different men, the more it became apparent; they were basically saying that if their chick did a few things different it could help them reach that point.

 So while debating a few dudes, my argument was if I were to make you cum during head then that means no sex, because we all know most men can’t go right back at it. And if you can, the second nutt will take entirely too long. Now with that being said, it leads me to say this, I think, no I know, we don’t make you cum on purpose. Its not that we don’t know how to, it’s that we don’t want to. For our own selfish reasons maybe. Women have been sexually oppressed for years now. The time has come for us to strike back. I say death to the oral orgasm. Well at least until you get yours!

 But ladies on a more serious note, we expect our man to give us good head, so it’s only right to reciprocate. Taking the time to learn your man’s body is important. So although, he may not openly tell you he doesn’t enjoy getting head, it may be that you aren’t doing it to please him, but more so doing it because you feel you have to. In life, not just sex, I find if you take the time to learn about something, regardless if you’re interested or not, it becomes less strenuous. Learn how to orally please your man, but just don’t make him cum from it!

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 To say the least, double standards and gender stereotypes are a b*tch.

While I sit at home replacing the batteries in one of my favorite vibrating contraptions, men are able to roam the streets and bang anything capable of getting wet between the thighs.  But fu*k that. There is no way that double standards and gender based stereotypes should exist in twenty ten. And not just regarding sexual favors, but in all aspects of this thing called life.  

 He pay’s, she lays…

Men seem to believe that with lavish dinners and surprise gifts, come sexual favors and fellatio. Like as soon as we leave Red Lobster I’m going to say, “Those cheddar bay biscuits were so damn good, I’m gon let you hit it from the back.” Wrong. If I was going to have sex with you just because you took me out, I’d just stand on strip with no draws on and charge by the hour. You taking me out to dinner does not equate sex. I remember my mother always used to tell me be careful when accepting a gift from a man because chances are he’ll want something in return. Which in most cases, turns out to be true.

He’s the man, she’s the whore…

He has 30 notches under his belt and is considered “The Man.” She has 9 notches and is a whore. Fu*k you, Fu*k him, Fu*k that. I’m sick and tired of hearing dudes ramble on about how women should be held to a higher standard. What’s wrong with me wanting to hold my man, or any man for that matter, to those same high ass standards? I don’t know about you, but I don’t want the neighborhood man whore. Who knows what kind of disease ridden penis he has tucked under those levis? ANYBODY that has slept with a substantial amount of people is a whore. Point. Blank. Period. (Now what’s considered substantial is another topic all together.)

He’s handy, She’s domestic

Men are handy by nature my ass! Today’s average men rather pay someone to do their dirty work, than actually take the time and figure it out for themselves. And not that the modern woman is the most domestic, but in the right situation we damn sure would try.  If I were married, in my household, I would fix sh*t and he would could cook sh*t. Why not?

All in all, double standards and stereotype are going to cause the next generation a lot of headache and strife.  We must not judge and limit ourselves to the thinking and ideas of our parents generation. Let go of this bullsh*t and pave the way for the future.

BTW, I just hopped on twitter so feel free to follow me, as well as the AEOW fam…

@ LoisLane

@AllEyesOnWho

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With every progressing day, it appears that the “cougars” of the world are beginning to reveal themselves more and more. I understand that women out number men tremendously; however, a 50 year old woman dating a 25 year old BOY is just plain ridiculous. Should this even be legal? Ok, it being illegal may be a bit much, I admit, but where are your standards? There aren’t many things I dislike in this world, but cougars happen to be one of the few.

 I look at it like this. If I was a 50 year old woman, what could I possibly want with a 25 year old man? What could we do together, or where could we go that we both would enjoy? Other than a young virile penis in between my things, what other possible activity could we enjoy? I’ve talked to a few older women who attempted to explain their cougar-dom and no reason could make me understand such a syndrome (as I like to call it). Anything other than a fling with a man who is young enough to be your son is unacceptable.

 With shows such as, “Cougar Town,” and “Meet the Cougar,” which highlight the older woman’s pursuit for younger men, America’s fascination with the modern day MILF has become elusive. I’m all down for the whole “How Stella got her groove back” movement, but why can’t you get your groove back with someone in your own age range. Or at least once your groove has been recovered, then return to those in your age range. I’m just saying!

 Anyway, while doing some research on this topic I found it oddly interesting that there were so many websites dedicated to cougars and those in pursuit of the cougar. Everything from dating tips to family issues to psychological issues are readily available. But the one thing that stood out like a sore thumb was the recommendation to lubricate. The website stated that as women age it is harder for their natural vagina juices to flow and to use lubrication. Is it just me, or do we feel like if she can’t get a little wet, more than lubrication is needed? Like maybe a trip to the GYN.

I just feel like older women are too much work with there menopause, bunions and hot flashes. Aren’t their enough pre-Viagra, post-middle aged men out there to handle them? I mean, after these cougars scoop up all the young hotties, what’s going to be left for me??? Nothing but thugs, gays and losers. Guess I’ll take the losers!

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Lately, I’ve been encountering a large number of people with the mindset that you are single until you’re married, even while in a committed relationship. And as much as I would like to embrace this statement, I’m not 100% sure I can.

 I once heard that dating is like “the get to know period” and that you should always keep your options open. Here’s the thing, there is a big difference between dating and a monogamous relationship. Dating is indeed “the get to know period.” This is the time that you come to terms with whether or not you would consider the other person monogamy worthy. I think where people get their signals crossed is when they just become exclusive for the sake of being exclusive or to satisfy the other person involved. Your intentions were never marriage and you know you would cheat should the opportunity arise. Therefore, in your mind you remain single. Whereas the other person is committed and now each of you are on different  pages.

 Monogamy is Monogamy! No matter if you are married or not. Should two people decide that they are in a monogamous relationship, single is no longer an appropriate title for either party involved. Now should this not be determined then all is fair in the single world. Many of you are probably thinking that if you are not married then you are legally single, which in turn means you are free to do what you want, legally. But a verbal agreement is a verbally agreement. At the end of the day, it’s legal right? You do have integrity right? I’m sure you do. So when you verbalize to your partner that you will be committed and faithful, those guidelines are expected to be followed. No one is trying to hear that, ”we’re not married, so I’m free to do what I want,” bullshit. Essentially it was that same bullshit that gave birth to the Common-Law Marriage. No one wants to be the Forever boyfriend/girlfriend or be treated like one! I say my next man will be my husband and he has 7 seven years (as per the common-law, hehe).  

 But now what about homosexual relationships? Marriage is only legal for them in 6 states. So are they expected to get up and relocate their life for marriage, or just consider themselves single forever? Not at all, they verbally commit to one another and value that verbal commitment. The problem with my peers, meaning those in their mid to late 20’s, is that we have lost the value of relationships (somewhere around the time hip hop died). The men are so determine to be the next Lil Wayne (as much as I love him) with 5 baby mothers’ and the women feel the need to be the definition of ‘Miss Independent,’ that the value of having a meaningful and committed relationship is almost frowned upon. However, I digress.

 The point of me writing this was to say that if you want to be considered single, FINE! But make sure all agreements are clear and concise. Sex is sex, dates are dates and a relationship is a relationship. Have integrity and stand behind your word, because that’s all you have.

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Love to party, but don’t want to pay for it? Here are 4 easy ways to party for FREE…..

1) Go early

I know that no one wants be the first one at the party. We all want to be fashionably late. Unfortunately if you’re broke, this may not be an option for you. Go early and keep this in mind… the early bird catches the open bar and the free admission. J

2) Start a blog

Love the nightlife? Start a blog and talk about all the cool places you party hearty. Make fliers for your blog and make sure people take pics with them. You can get thousands printed for cheap (try www.clubflyers.com). Make sure you let promoters, club owners and club goers know about your blog. If it does well, it’s your ticket in! Everyone wants free publicity. In exchange for your coverage you’ll get to nod for nothing.

3) Become a photographer/writer for a moderately successful blog

Not motivated to start your own blog? Take picture or write for someone else. A friend of mine writes for a kinda well-known fashion blog, while she doesn’t get paid she does get to go to fabu fashion events for FREE including NYC Fashion Week! Don’t try and aim for the majors, it will be too much work and chances are you won’t be able to get to the blog author. Moderately successful blogs get plenty of free swag and invitations and are usually eager to take on free help.

4) Make friends with someone in the press

To lazy to do Tip 1,2 and 3? Then make friends with someone in the press ex. a PR person, blogger and anyone that works at any publication, even the IT guy can get a press pass (I’ve seen it done). The trick is to get someone that works for a publication or PR firm whose name carries some weight, even if it’s just locally. Personally this is one of my fav ways to party for free. Several of my friends work in PR or the press. They call ahead and put me down as their +1. The press is often treated better that the rest of the attendees because no one wants a bad review. I’ve gotten so much FREE swag this way, not to mention I got in at no cost!

And that my mooching friends is how one parties for FREE!

The Budgetnista

www.budgetnista.biz

Twitter: @thebudgetnita

FB Fan Page: The Budgetnista

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For years my teachers, parents, and all authoritative figures in my life have been drilling me on my presentation. How I carry and present myself.  Often times you have but an instant to make an impression; and what people see is what they perceive to be true if they don’t know otherwise.  So in, short you must come correct and ALWAYS put your best foot forward.

As I watched the presentation of the city of Newark, New Jersey in the Sundance documentary entitled “Brick City” I couldn’t help but feel like someone forgot about the concept of perception IS reality. The film’s 5 episodes failed to provide a full well rounded view of the city and instead focused on a lot of its negative aspects. My close friends, who are also positive products of “The Bricks”, were equally as disturbed by the city’s portrayal.  We discussed what was missing and how people will get the absolute wrong view of the city or confirm what they “thought” was true.  But actually that perception is completely and utterly dead wrong.

Now … Don’t get me wrong. The city is full of hood aspects of life and those things should be reflected in the short film. But that way of life is not the only way of life or even the prominent way people of the city live. Where’s the positivity? Where’s the joy? Where’s the beauty? I know it’s there. I wish the world could see it and perceive it like it really is.  And I had hoped the documentary would give the world a glimpse into that true essence of Newark.

I’ll leave you with a Dave Chappelle joke that’ll prove how important perception is.

[the below is a paraphrase ...]
A lady is appalled that men keep asking her for the goods. “Just because I have on a short skirt and my chest out doesn’t mean I’m a hoe” she says. “Well you coulda fooled me, you have on a hoe’s uniform” says a guy, “And it’s confusing”.  “How would you like it if you had an emergency and I had on a police officer’s uniform?  You’d think I was a cop right?”

Bottom line you are what people see and think you are. Show ‘em the good stuff first.

~ “Clark Kent does Superman’s dirty work”

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After years in a relationship, sometimes we begin to let ourselves go. We no longer care about the things that initially gained our partners interest. I hear a lot of older people say that after a certain amount time looks no longer matter. Well that’s a bunch of bull shit if you ask me. Looks are equally important and I believe they become more important as time goes on. But other than looks you must maintain that initial spark, by any means necessary.

Like my favorite artist says in one of my favorite songs, “Ladies, when you been with your man for a long time, every now and then you have to go in the back of that closet and put on that freak ‘um dress.” I so agree with Bey. How do you think she got Jay to keep that camel in his pants. Seriously tho, why work so hard to get into a relationship to let it all go for something as simple as sex or sexiness.

Things that were done to gain his interest should continue and new things should be formed. I know women that have been in their relationships for years and claim to have sex once a week, maybe twice. Once a week is not enough to keep your man from roaming. Men are sexual creatures by nature. It’s in their genetics. Women get upset when their man has a wandering eye or he goes as far as cheating. But if you aren’t fucking him, then someone else will!

Now please don’t misconstrue what I’m saying. I don’t mean if you fuck his brains out three times a day he won’t cheat. That is not at all the message I’m conveying. The important thing here is not to let the sexiness in your relationship fall apart. If you want your relationship to work you have to itemize the things that got ya’ll together and the things that will keep ya’ll together.

Another major part is the looks. You can’t get him looking like Malibu Barbie. Now after a year in the relationship, you start looking like Frankie (Keyshia cole’s mother). That’s just not right! You don’t have to be dolled up all the time but take care of the things he likes most. For example, if you man is attracted to feet. Make sure your pedi is on point, even when winter rolls around.  Something as small as a pedi will show your man that you want to stay looking nice for him.

At the end of the day, if you want to stay in your relationship, make sure your are taking all the necessary steps. Its hard enough to find a man, but once you do, make sure you do what you have to in order to  keep him!

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Almost a year ago, I heard about little Jasmina Anema’s plight and I’ve been determined to help her ever since. Jasmina is a 6-year old African American girl who was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia (there have only been 30 known cases) called NK Cell Leukemia; her doctors determined that her only chance for survival was a bone marrow transplant and estimated that she would die within two months without one. Finding a match for Jasmina was extremely difficult; being adopted (by a Caucasian mother who was not a match) with no full siblings, in addition to the fact that African Americans make up only 8% of the bone marrow registry, made the search that much more complex (since more than likely, the donor would have had to been another African American).

Since meeting Jasmina and her mom Thea, I fell completely in love with her! I was tested (unfortunately I wasn’t a match) and visited Jasmina on lunch breaks and after work, went to doctors’ appointments with her, babysat and slept in the hospital overnights; whatever I could do to help. During this time, I couldn’t help but notice what an amazingly strong little girl she was. Jasmina underwent eight rounds of chemotherapy and truly astonished doctors because of her unique spirit and bubbly personality. This little girl touched my heart as well as the hearts of others in New York City.  Jasmina also won the hearts of such celebrities as Kelly Rowland, Chris Wilcox, Gwen Stefani and Rihanna to name few.

Amazingly, because of Jasmina’s incredible story, 10,000 people joined the bone marrow registry, two possible matches were found and on June 11, 2009, Jasmina received her bone marrow transplant. Though this was wonderful news, in late September after a follow-up biopsy, we learned that her leukemia returned. Jasmina battled a number of serious complications: her liver began failing which made her eyes yellow and her skin blotchy and grey, her blood counts were off so she had to receive weekly blood transfusions, she developed Graft Versus Host disease (a common complication in bone-marrow transplants in which the new cells attack the recipient’s body) and now, more recently, Jasmina developed Type II Diabetes and Posterior reversible encephalopathy syndrome (PRES which is a swelling of the white part of the brain which caused seizures as well as other complications) and later on Bacterial Pneumonia .

Jasmina was hospitalized on and off since January of last year and has accrued outstanding medical bills, causing immense financial burden to her mom, Theodora Anema, a single mom from NY.

On January 27, 2010, my pumpkin lost her battle to leukemia. I’ve definitely gone through some sort of depression since. I try to remember all the great times we had together and remember that Jasmina’s short life wasn’t in vain. This little girl lived the life that people who live to a hundred only dream of. Jasmina spoke three languages fluently, traveled the world with her mother (China, Tibet, Russia to name a few), hung out with President Obama and managed to save twelve other lives while inspiring a city! Though Jasmina is gone her legacy will live on through her foundation ONEFORJASMINA.

Since Jasmina’s type of leukemia was so rare, doctors didn’t necessarily know how to treat it; everything was experimental. I don’t know if you know much about insurance companies but I deal with them everyday in my line of work and they look for any reason to deny covering treatment, especially if that treatment’s considered “experimental” with no medical proof that the treatment will actually work.

To help offset Jasmina’s medical expenses (which has met the almost ONE MILLION DOLLAR MARK), these cool tees (see pics here —–> http://abutterflybyday.blogspot.com/2009/11/one-for-jasmina.html ) were designed by Valerie Longo.The tees are only $25 and come in sizes S/M/L. To place your order, please email Valerie Longo at butterflybyday@gmail.com with your address and pay here http://www.oneforjasmina.com/#/4=help&sub=0 via paypal or check by mail (please mail to the US address listed on the link provided).

If you’d like to make a donation to Jasmina’s Foundation, Please send a check payable to

One For Jasmina and mail it to the following address:

                                    One For Jasmina

                                    PO BOX 295

New York, NY 10276

Or donate via paypal hereà http://www.oneforjasmina.com/#/4=help&sub=0

***For More Information on Jasmina please visit her website at www.ONEFORJASMINA.com. For more information on how to become a bone marrow donor, please register here—> http://www.dkmsamericas.org/bone-marrow-donors/become-marrow-donor

 Jasmina has been an inspiration to the world with her STRENGTH and WILL TO LIVE and by battling her illness with GRACE.

BY: KAREEN BRUCE

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Ladies, it’s hard out here to find a good man. Trust me, I’ve been looking. But in order to make it easier, I’ve compiled a list of the top 10 things I THINK you should look for when searching for that perfect man. These are in no particular order.

1. Observe how he treats his mother and/or primary guardian in his life. Any man that does not give a damn about the person that raised him will definitely not give a damn about you.
2. I would like to say make sure he has a job. However, with the economical downfall a job isn’t always guaranteed. I will say this, if he is jobless, make sure he isn’t always sitting on his ass and is actually working toward obtaining some type of income. If he’s lazy today, he’ll be lazy tomorrow.
3. If he has children, pay close attention to the relationship he has with his child’s mother. For me personally, I would not like my potential BF to be too close with his child’s mother, but I also don’t want the drama. A cordial relationship will always suffice when it comes to a baby mother/baby father relationship.
4. Make sure he takes care of that child in whatever capacity that may be. Everyone’s idea of tending to a child is different. So here please use your own judgment.
5. Cleanliness, cleanliness, cleanliness. This is pretty much self explanatory. Personal hygiene is extremely important. No one wants to lay in bed with a scuzz bucket.
6. Make sure he has goals and aspirations. Now a days, many people are becoming content on where they are in life and lose sight of the fact that there is more out there.
7. Not everyone is religious, but a man that believes in something is better than a man that believes in nothing.
8. Make sure his personality compliments yours. They say opposites attract; however, I do not feel this is always the case. Sometimes, finding that person that is like you can enhance the relationship. Just make sure that his personality is one you can deal with. You should be able to detect this early on.
9. Determine what it is he values. A lot of men value a bunch of bull shit. Like materialistic items, cars, clothes, sneakers, hats, and that’s fine. But if that’s all that he values, then it may become a problem later on.
10. Lastly, where does he live. We all know I’m against living with your parents if you drive a flashy car and parade around in the clubs popping bottles and whatnot. But if you live at home with a plan and are saving money then it’s cool for that period of time.

I’m sure I’m missing a number of things that are also important. So please feel free to add on to the list and let us know what you look for when searching for your perfect man.

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Most women can have platonic relationships with members of the opposite sex. Men on the other hand, well that’s a different story.  But why is that? Honestly, I don’t think there is any specific scientific explanation, just my own weird mental interpretation.

We all know men will pretty much stick their wang in anything halfway decent.  Should any SINGLE, straight man be presented with a sexual opportunity from his platonic female counterpart, chances are he will oblige. Think about it like this, no one of the opposite sex will spend a significant amount of time with another and not find that person remotely attractive. The fact that you are friends in the first place speaks volumes. There is something specific about that person that sparked the friendship. And I’m only speaking of how I view men. No single man will spend his free time with a woman he has no attraction for. Women for that matter will not spend their free time with a man that does not find them attractive. (It’s just a weird female thing)

For me, the majority of my platonic friends are from my childhood years. So should I meet a man now, the probability of us attempting to become just friends is kind of slim to none. How would we meet anyway? Most people that approach total strangers have the mindset of exactly what they THINK will come of that meeting. And I’m almost positive, that whether it’s male approaching female or vice versa, the intentions are not initially platonic. Make sense?

With that being said, I see it to be virtually impossible for a man to befriend a female, with no sexual intentions. Women on the other hand can enjoy a man’s perspective and outlook on certain aspects of life. Thus forming the platonic friendship. All too often, women place men into that dreaded friend zone because there is no “je nais se quoi,” so to speak. But when is that last time you heard of a man placing a woman in that category? I would say never because men can’t just be friends with women…

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I would like to make my contribution to my blog family to provide some educational value to your life. I present to you “Safe Sex Sunday.”

Condoms are so important, but many of us (including the men) don’t know how to properly put them on. Now someone told me this video wasn’t 100%  accurate. But I think it is. Anyway, let me know what ya’ll think. Is there something missing?

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My first thought would be to say hell yea it matters; however, a part of me would like to say that is doesn’t. But I think I’m going to follow my gut and say, yes size does matter. How much, you ask? Well that depends on a number of different things.

For the “relationship type” chick, size may not matter as much. She’s more so concerned with just being in the relationship that the necessities become secondary. This type of chick is immune to her partner’s defaults, such as size. She is so in love or blinded by the idea of the relationship, that realization of his penis being about the size of a first graders pinky finger becomes irrelevant. Love or the idea of being loved, can sometimes blind a chick from the things she truly needs to see.

For the “go with the flow chick” size is an important factor.  She isn’t looking for a relationship nor sex. She’s just letting things happen as they may.  But if the situation where to arise, size would definitely be important.  Because she has no real intentions with the dude, she’s at least hoping that this aspect of it will be on point.

I’m not going to really dabble into what the jump off expects. She is the number supporter of the large penis. Sex is all she is good for, so for her to stick around as the jump, it has to be worth her time.

For me, if it’s too small I really don’t care how well he’s stroking it, too small, is just too damn small. There is no way around that. No position, no pumps and for damn sure no pill is going to cure that. But if he’s too big, well, I’m not so sure I would want to do anything. Call me a punk, but I don’t want a super huge penis in me! But with most men, no matter what they may think about themselves, that’s never the case.

I did some internet browsing and found out that studies show that the average penis, while fully erect, is 6.5 inches in length. I don’t have a ruler or anything but that seems fairly accurate to me. Men on the other hand have some sort of weird mental complex that leads them to believe that their penis is god’s gift to the world and way larger that it is. I’m no expert or anything but you dudes really need to get it together. Stop acting like size does not matter.  Cause if it’s too small I’m OUT, I’ll just go buy one bigger!

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